Friday, August 08, 2008

smashing a few plates

Booking all our arrangements for Greece in September.
Googling copious ferry companies, and not winning.

All I needed to know was whether we could get from Rhodes Island to Santorini on a boat. Boat from A-B. Pretty simple search query there.

Eventually I gave up and made a few international phone calls. To thus:


Peas: Hello is this Greek Cruises Your-Website-Is-Like-Off-Souvlaki.com?

Man: Kathika, Plaka Taverna, Parthenon, Taka-Taka……my name is Apollo, what want?

Peas: Hello Apollo….um, yeah…sorry just processing your name over there…wow…...I need to know two things. Is there a boat to Santorini from Rhodes?

Apollo: I not understand. Asklepios! ASKLEPIOS! [undeterminable Zorba jargon] Rodos Santorini Drachmas Wopah!

Peas: Is there one?

Apollo: I not understand.
αυτή η ηλίθια σκύλα θέλει να ξέρει τις διαδρομές πορθμείων! [This stupid bitch wants to know the ferry routes]

[pause]

Apollo: I give you Aphrodite, my wife. AphroDEETEE! AphroDEE-TEE! …[lots of screaming and shouting]….No, Aphrodite incarcerated. [wtf? – Ed] I give you Venus, she know.

Venus: What you look for?

Peas: Is there a boat from Rhodes to Santorini.

Venus: Use Google.

Peas: Eat sour grapes in a toga woman.

Venus: I no eat grapes. We no do boat. Look at this company: www.fruitlessoperation.com

Peas: OK…Venus…this is a flights company.

Venus: ι don' προσοχή τ, i' το VE είχε ήδη 4 ouzos στο μεσημεριανό γεύμα. [I don’t care as I already had four ouzos at lunch.]


[Redial]


Peas: Is this Triton:Trumpeter Of The Sea Boat Company?

Lady: No.

Peas: Is this +30 555 793728 5478302 5892362….?

Lady: Poseidon! Poseidon, wopah! [Would everyone stop screaming – Ed]
Σκέφτεστε ότι πρέπει να φάω τα πράσινα σταφύλια ή τις ελιές? [Poseidon, Do you think I should eat the entire tapas or just the olives?]

[Pause. A vase falls and smashes somewhere]

‘I give you Pegasus. He do orders.’

Peas: Is this not the official call centre?

Lady: Pegasus! Drachmas!

[Pegasus flies over, smashes another vase, with his wingspan]

Pegasus: You want Mykonos?

Peas: Not yet. For now let’s keep it simple. Rhodes to Santorini.

Pegasus: Hellas.

Peas: Is that ‘Hell’ in Greek?

Pegasus: Emay chorto ‘fagos. [I am a vegetarian.]

So what I learnt in this whole mare of an operation, really, is that flying half-horse humans don’t eat meat.

Awesome.

45 comments:

kyknoord said...

Now you know how the expression "it's all Greek to me" originated.

Anonymous said...

hahahhahaha

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - I can't wait to organise the rest of the trip. Orgainsing a piss up in a brewery has never been so taxing...

Anonymous said...

Peas, there are a bunch of ports to leave from in rhodes to a bunch of ports in Santorini.... Now wonder you had a hard time. If you haven't had any luck try
http://www.aferry.to/Santorini-ferry-greece.htm

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - thanks SO much! OK, so I'm halfway there. You wouldn't happen to know which port is which right?

These are my options:

Rhodes - Kos/Leros/Lipsi/marmaris/Pzatmos/Symi?

Anonymous said...

Peas, where are you staying in rhodes and where you staying in santorini?
map of rhodes island
http://www.faliraki-info.com/rodosmap.htm

map santorini
http://www.greeka.com/cyclades/santorini/santorini-map.htm

Peas on Toast said...

Anon - Not sure where in Santorini just yet, we were throwing the idea around of heading there for one of the weekends - and we're staying in northern Rhodes near Ixia (?), just south of the town?? I'm there for work :)

So I'll take a look. I was on Google Earth yesterday, but it didn't help as much as I thought it would. Will do some more solid investigations today. Thanks for all your help!

Betenoir said...

Actually, you were being routed to a call centre in Mumbai. true story.

ninnibeth said...

A Swede finding ferries for a SA'n going to Greece - gotta love the web... ;)

According to this site: http://www.greeka.com/cyclades/santorini/island/santorini-ferries.htm there are "Flying Dolphins" between Santorini & Rhodes, now you just have to find out the name of the port to book your ferry here: http://greekacom.forth-crs.gr/english/npgres.exe?PM=BO

:)

Peas on Toast said...

Hi ninnibeth!

Funny enough I bookmarked that exact page yesterday, but again I didn't know which port was which and where! So thanks for the extra page, you're a star!

Anonymous said...

http://greece-ferries.com/domestic_routes.asp?gclid=CNqqvoLg_ZQCFQ-mQwodmlGOqw

peas, this will show you where santorini is in comparison to Rhodes...this link shows main greek ferry routes. i think the options of
Kos/Leros/Lipsi/marmaris/Pzatmos/Symi? are islands that you can travel via to santorini ...i think there is only 1 main port in Rhodes town about 10 mins away from ixia.

Charmskool said...

Oh gadzooks Peas you did it again - I snorted coffee out my nose - and my stomach hurts from laughing. I'm going to have to start reading your blog at night - Hopa!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Anon! Yeah I saw that Santo is about an 8 hour ferry ride from Rhodes, which is pretty heavy duty - but perhaps they have a faster hydrofoil/hovercraft thingie that would take less time. And you're right, Ixia isn't far from the harbour - at least from a Google Earth perspective. Thanks again for all your help! Today I WILL book some ferry seats!

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - HOPAHH!! :)
I hope the coffee wasn't too hot m'dear - no nasal singeing I hope! ;)

fuzzy logic said...

In case you haven't already booked, this site is very good:
http://greekacom.forth-crs.gr/english/npgres.exe?Pm=BB

I used it a couple of weeks ago to book Santorini - Ios -Mykonos - but they have to courier the tickets to you haha

Go to Santorini - it's amazing! (The port's called Thira or Fira). Rhodes is pretty far south, hence the long boat ride.

By the by, the Athens port is Piraes, in case that wasn't obvious ;-)

FiOnion said...

Peas, you gotta believe that Swede! She's one of the most seasoned travelers I know....

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Fuzzy! Fuck, who knew the blogosphere would be more helpful in giving me exact pages and maps and port names than Google! Thanks Fuzzy! :)

Charm - I'm gonna listen to the Swede. They also created Ikea, so utmost respect to them always :)

Peas on Toast said...

OOOps sorry Fionion, I called you Charm - brain is in Greece already!

Ches said...

Hows your 'Zorba the Greek' dance?

Da Ding......dzit.....dzit.......dzit.......dzit......da da dading.....dzit.....dzit....dzit....dzit...do do da ding.dzit.dzit.dzit.dzit.

I think thats how the lyrics go?

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - I've had the tune in my head for almost 24 hours...it's going to kill me before the weekend arrives :)

I have to learn the moves and teach my colleagues. I've been voted Zorba Captain. I have to choreograph. I might have to outsource. Keen? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

This is so typical of the competitive spirit of our Greek brethren, trying to turn everything, even a simple travel enquiry, into a marathon.

Peas on Toast said...

Could you imagine Rev if I'd said, 'Guys I'd like to organise a piss-up in an ouzo factory. Could you help?'

Pegasus would've chewed his wings off.

Two international phonecalls later and I was no closer. Through blogging only, do I get some real answers.

Ches said...

Keen?
I put the olous in Popodolous!
The e' in Meze'!
The back in hairy-back! Hang on?

Time, place?

Revolving Credit said...

I think I know what the problem was, you phoned them. You should have video called them, that way you'd have been able to talk with your hands.

It appears that when speaking Greek, the hand gestures make up half the actual conversation.

The reason you heard stuff breaking in the background is because Pegasus was flapping his arms (or wings) around furiously, knocking things over, trying to communicate.

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - Horror. I just found out there are FIFTY NINE STEPS IN THE ZORBA DANCE.

Fuck.

I was thinking of just doing the main four.

(PS: The E back in Meze? Hilarious!!!)

ERev - hahaha! So in other words, just like the Italians? I should probably get The Ant to make this call. Otherwise Pegasus is going to break his fuselage.

Ches said...

Holy shit no!
I thought you just squat and stand, squat and stand....

Rev, did you find your cellphone charger?

Peas on Toast said...

No boet no even.

This shit would make Archimedes swaet.

Jam said...

I'm so sorry, I would love to help you but I am doubled over laughing and won't stop for a while after reading this post...

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks my little Athena! :)

Tapas my place sometime?

Jam said...

If I can stop laughing, that would be lovely.

Revolving Credit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Revolving Credit said...

Ches - Yes, after much searching the charger decided to reveal itself.

Peazel, are you going to publish your Zorba clip on youtube?

You so gotta try it wearing gumboots!

Peas on Toast said...

Dude I'm YouTubing Zorba Dance Steps, and funny you say gumboots - we were thinking of differentiating ourselves from the other teams by ending it off with some Cleggesque Gumboot Dancing!

Revolving Credit said...

Hahaha...Zorba the Migrant Mineworker!

Peas on Toast said...

Togas and gumboots are very flattering AS well. ;)

FiOnion said...

Ikea-Schmikea.... have you tasted Swedish chocolate?? Next time that Swede comes down this side of the planet she's under orders to have her cases filled wiv chocs...

Peas on Toast said...

Swdish choc?? OK is it anything like the Belgian variety? I'm an immediate sceptic, pardon me ;)

Revolving Credit said...

AmaZorbaZorba..

Revolving Credit said...

Swedish Chocolate??

Didn't know that they had black migrant mineworkers in Sweden?

idlelayabout said...

Shew, that's a lot of dialling. How's the thumb btw?

Peas on Toast said...

tell me about it, Idle.

The thumb is getting better thanks! Pulled off the remainder of the...um, scar tissue last night. It was fabulous.

po said...

Peas I just want to say thanks, I had a terrible day and you made me laugh.

Miss T said...

hihi...brilliant...and oh so true! Agh, when you get there it will be so worth all the hassle. Enjoy :)! I even did an ABBA kareoke no. in a little Greek pub while there!

fush&chips said...

Brilliant! That is your funniest blog in ages.

Koekie said...

I learnt one genuine Greek term, when staying with a friend in Athens: "Orexi."

Rough translation: "it's just too much effort."