So. I suppose it's just apt to mention my new little toy.
The Travel Dolphin.
I won't elaborate, but it's not like the people who read this are a bunch of blushing nuns in a monastery. Let's be honest.
So I only think it's fair, ladies, that I impart my experience of this very humble not-quite-a-dildo guy.
Because, if I'm going to be sincere - and sex and honesty should always play in the same ballpark as far as I'm concerned – this toy has completely reinvented my evenings.
When I 'leave early because I'm off to watch a DVD,' I'm not really going home to watch one, if you get my drift.
I bought this little gadget at Sex Club. And can I just comment on the lengths that technology has gone to make the vibrator market a top item on my list of hi-tech gadgetry.
Now, it doesn't look like much, (mostly similar to this picture anyhow) but don't mock the The Travel Dolphin S500 for even five and a half seconds. Because it's going to change the way you have sex with yourself for the rest of your existence.
Well at least sometimes, or before its novelty has worn off. I mean, my Bushwhacker 3 000 has been placed in a drawer – its days are over. But they were good days back in the, well, day.
Anyhoo. This little baby has four speeds settings, with added vibrating pulse. And its remote control, in the event you're washing dishes, hanging up [lethal] laundry or just zoning out to Keeping Up With The Kardashians, is certainly very handy.
Hell, the lady said I should try it in traffic. But imagine:
'Oh that thing? That's just my...travel dolphin, Mister Officer. Don't know how it ended up in my cubbyhole, dude.'
So, for the ladies out there: seriously, it really bides a lot of [amazing] time.
That's really all I'm saying. If you're under 18, you shouldn't be here. Tsak.
If you are a blushing nun from a Catholic Convent, I do hope you get laid someday, somehow. Because nothing beats the real thing, obviously. But if you really really can't, you are the target market of this post.
It's just a fun little gadget to have around sometimes. Is all.
PS: I'm off to Nelson Mandela Square this morning. It's got to do with that story I wrote this week. That you can vote for today, or not, or whatever.