1Time flight, somewhere above Bloemfontein, heading towards Cape Town.
(And too right about the name. It could be the one and only time I fly them. There was fluid dripping from the oxygen storage thing above my head. Dripping on me, for two hours to Cape Town. Very pleasant and refreshing.)
Mum: Peas one day you will worry about your children's safety, so when I say Canada is a good place to live, think of your children.
Peas: Yeah speaking of...I'm going to have a test tube baby when I'm 33.
Peas: Maybe by then I'll actually want a bay-bee.
Mum: TEST TUBE BABY.
Peas: Yes. These days we don't need to find husbands mum. Or husbanks either. Finances are sorted, and so is in vitro pregnancy. Lucky me!
Mum: A TEST TUBE BABY.
[Economy class has suddenly gone very quiet. Around 35 rows of seats are listening to mum's shrieks. It's embarrassing.]
Peas: Ssssh mum. By that stage I could even send it to university by myself, it'll be cool.
Mum: YOU CAN'T BE A SINGLE MOTHER! [Now wailing sort of]
Peas: Of course I can. I looked after 7 kids in France remember. Kids dig Aunty Peas.
Mum: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE MOTHER'S THAT WORK ALL DAY AND HAVE TO HIRE A NANNY???
Peas: Mum. We're in row 32. And Row 2 can hear us.
Mum: YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO BE REARED BY A NANNY? IT'S HARD ENOUGH REARING A CHILD WITH ITS FATHER AROUND, BUT ON YOUR OWN?
Peas: Would you please stop screaming? I may have no choice, mum. I'll hire a manny, so that there's a father figure around.
Mum: WHAT WILL YOU TELL IT WHEN IT ASKS WHO ITS FATHER IS?
Peas: The truth. 'Mummy and Daddy had you in a test tube. Daddy's profile was that he was a hot shot doctor, composed music, was hysterically funny, and was tall, dark and skinny. It's just that Mummy never met him.'
Mum: This is LUDICROUS Peas.
Peas: Although that could be pretty expensive sperm. I wonder if sperm is more expensive the hotter and brighter the father is....I should investigate.
Woman in seat 30D: Sorry, would you mind keeping it down?
Mum: [Rubs temples] You don't need children. And I don't need to be a grandmother. It's fine, just don't have children.
Peas: On the bright side, it would have at least 4 godfathers and 4 godmothers. Aunty Poen and Uncle Doc, for starters.
Mum: YOU WILL WORK ALL DAY!
Peas: Of course I will. Who else will pay for its violin lessons?
[The whole plane is still silent, some openly staring at my mother and I.]
Peas: But you're right, I don't know if I really want spawn still. I think I do. But it's a whole other universe I can't even contemplate. Maybe someone will change this for me, and make me want to procreate because we're just so in love with each other, but for now...this is looking more feasible.
Mum: Can't you find a nice husband?
Peas: Not really bovvered Mum. Sorry. He's going to have to be as amazing as I am. That's hard to find.
Mum: [Frustrated shriek]
Peas: So what are you ordering to eat? How about a sarmie?