Monday, September 08, 2008

cars & ankles

Shit.

I gave Ludwig a roastie.

OK rewind, rewind. Everything was going just fine.

A last day in Rhodes, followed by a final day in Athens. Not a bad weekend, as far as weekends go.

It was spent mainly using as much of the final threads of Hangover Humour we could muster to pull us through the losers we were about to feel on coming home.

Home is boring and done. Home isn’t Europe. Sadly.

In Athens, because I just can’t resist European clothes, I went and cured myself through intensive jean pant and feminine dress shopping.

As well as a last platter and a few more Mythos beers.

They weren’t strong enough. I’m not sure how many people who read this blog have flown Olympic Airlines. If you have been a passenger, you’d then agree that it should be labelled as a high-risk flying Greyhound bus.

Its economy class at a level so basic, travelling across Africa in a Chevy Spark may just be more comfortable.

All the basic necessities like headphones, movies, blankets and a stable air con don’t really exist. And the seats are all but up your nose. The Joburg flight departs at 2:00am.

Anyway, more horrifying is that I developed a sudden and crazily bad bout of elephantitis.

Cankles are one thing. This is a cankle: (Actually this may be a thcankle, whereby the thigh and foot are almost completely parallel to each other the entire way down.)

However, I get water retention when I fly long journeys. A bit of seriously attractive puffing to the anterior of my ankle. It’s not completely terrifying to look at though, and it disappears after a few hours.

However. Olympic Airlines, you might find, helped to transform my feet into hovercrafts overnight: You like that?

It was like golf balls had been implanted in my fucking feet, and my toes were little stumps that almost disappeared. I hope it’s not permanent. There are few things less acceptable than cankles.

And one is Olympic Airlines.

Then.

Because I got 5 minutes of drooly sleep, and was in a water-retained cankly delirium, I went and FUCKING sideswiped my car on a pillar.

Got to my car parked at work, loaded in my suitcase and neglected to observe the luminescently-painted pillar on my side.

He’s not dented, but he sure looks like shite.

Lumo blue paint, which looks strikingly Not Cool now scraped down the side of Ludwig.

Amazingly, I didn’t even react. I was that tired. I got out, pushed the mirror back into place, stroked him and said sorry, then drove home.

But now on the dawning, I am helluva pissed at myself. God I’m angry at Peas. Ludwig has a giant blue door roastie. 3RM told me I can possibly get the paint off with Brasso.

I’m willing to give it a bash.

18 comments:

JL said...

Ooh, that's like the time when the witch cast a spell on Sleeping Beauty that after the prince and her got married she would get cankles and he would be like *sick* and ran off with the gardener, but it's ok, SB got her own - she married the butcher and her ankles came back down from Olympic Airlines and they ate prince for dinner because he wasn't so good with not being hit by an axe. So there's hope Peas. And Ludwig now glows in the dark - that's cul. Like cul kid cul - you can be like the modern-day Kitt from Night Rider (but that would make you the Hoff and that's a whole other story of cankles).

Peas on Toast said...

JL - hahaha :) You're a card dude, and your imagination far outweighs mine!

Ludwig may glow in the dark, but he still looks lame. He's not happy. Especially when an identical twin of a car drove past me this morning, all nice and shiny and white.

Arrrrgh. ;)

Kitty Cat said...

You've now taught me something new - cankles! Never heard that, but so funny, as I also get them from flying. If I take my shoes off during the flight, beware, 'cos I won't get them back on.

Peas on Toast said...

Kitty - aren't cankles just the most unattractive affliction ever?? I had problems squeezing on my slip slops yesterday, thank god I didn't wear closed shoes!

I was worried it would be permanent for a while. They were terrible!

Gustav Bertram said...

No! Don't give it a bash - you did that once already.

MidniteGem said...

ohhhh...is that the infamous rug I see in the pic - very pretty !

Revolving Credit said...

Your feet look pregnant.
Were they knocked up by a pommie foot in Greece??

Mini said...

Pea

Dont you just hate cankles?Freeekin had it in Damascus,didnt realise it until I bought a shoe that didn't fit me back home!

(I reckon its a Mediterranean thing)

Peas on Toast said...

Gustav - ahahah. So another bash wouldn't be so bad, right?

Midnite - I'm surprised you can see it through my feet!

Rev - they might've well been. It's anybody's guess really ;)

Mini - I usually get canklelitis on any long flight, but this was particularly severe. Damascus! What an exotic location!

boldly benny said...

Hi Peas, sorry to hear about your side swipe. Having had a few scraps myself I can identify your frustration. If it is just paint on your car, you get abrasive car polish that will remove the blue paint - might be worth a shot, it's worked for me!

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Benny!
How you doing my dear?
Sorry to hear about your scrapes, and yes I'll definitely go through an abrasive paint route - what a pain though.
Hope you're well. xx

Charmskool said...

Poor thing! Sideswiped Ludwig and cankles - it's all too horribly sad to contemplate. I ALWAYS get cankles from flying and also from Jozie! For some reason I get a serious cankle on my right leg when I come to Joburg. Eeeuww! If I didn't love my family and friends so much (ok and the shops and stuff) then I'd stay home and enjoy nice ankle bones (practically my last visible bones now).

kyknoord said...

Just as well you weren't wearing boots, or your feet would've imploded.

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - ok hold on a sec - you got only ONE cankle from CT to Jozi? Seriously? That must've been an interesting photo opportunity! :)

Kyk - exactly. It was a close call. It would've been a nasty incident.

Ordinarylife said...

Sorry, didn't read the rest, kind of stopped at the beautiful pic of your flokati! owww, pretty! No wonder you have been raving about it.

Peas on Toast said...

OrdinaryLife - can't believe my rug is more of a hit than my beautiful canklelitis! ;)

Inyoka said...

If Ludwig is not dented or crinkled, a good quality car polish and lots of elbow grease should sort out the damage.

You might need quite a few applications.

Peas on Toast said...

Inyoka - thanks my darlink!

Yeah, what I'll do is try the Brasso idea, and then maybe plug away at the car polish. If all else fails, I might need a 'touch up' dude to help me with the elbow greasin' ;)