Wednesday, September 10, 2008

halva & plastic pillars

God. The sheer affliction when you are retarded at buying the right gifts.

I'm just shit at it.

I bought everyone food back from Greece, because the tacky shit is [apparently] laughable for 5 seconds, and then the leprechaun on the spring loses its novelty.

Don't get me wrong, novelty tacky crap is just up my street. And I reckon if it evokes marvelling/a laugh/bewilderment – then it's a winner.

I mean, for Doc's birthday last year I bought him a USB-enabled stripping doll pole.
From Kitsch & Kool. I was well excited.

A Barbie that mechanically slides around a pole in a leather thong. Kettle height, and you can run this baby off your desk computer.

Not a present for an auditer or corporate investment banker, sure, but I'd sure as buggeration love having one of those on my desk. How fucking amusing.

Still, so I bought 3RM food like everyone else. Poen got a bag of vacuum packed stuffed olives and peppers (I swear it looks good, even through the wrapping, I swear...) And I got 3RM a box of halva, because that's a Greek sweet, and I was trying to purposely avoid the tacky collectibles. Just for once.

But on closer investigation, it's like the My Friend Went To London & All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt t-shirt. He rather fancied the idea of the Whose Your Paddy? one from Dublin – but then I agree with him now.

I mentioned some of the tacky Greek curios you see in throngs down the streets – like plastic busts of naked dudes, gladiator helmets, and in saturated abundance: pillars crafted out of plastic and concrete in all sizes. But the best are the plastic paperweight cellphone holder pillars.
Little pillars you can perch your Crackberry on. Fuck, I should've bought a whole bag back, what was I thinking? 3RM, once again, would've preferred one of those. And he doesn't eat fucking halva it so turns out.

3RM might be going to Libya at some stage, and said he already knows what to bring back: a burqa outfit which he'll get printed with My Mate Went To Libya And All I Got Was This Lousy Burqa.
Let's assume Tourism Hot Spot isn't Libya's main economic thrust, and therefore you couldn't buy it with the printing already on.

He's quite right though. I'd love that. I'd even go out and ensure I came right in it.

Some people are good at buying presents; other people are good at way more saucy activities. I'm just saying.

Oh and I rewatched my favourite YouTube clip ever last night. Only 47 seconds long, it's fucking hysterical:

Don't you just love the way the dude is just yanked out of the frame after casually ambling in, previously having fallen face down in a mud pie, fucked on vodka.

God it's great.


kyknoord said...

A pelvic massage is always a sure winner when you're stuck for gift ideas.

Peas on Toast said... reckon the Greeks would sell me vouchers for all my friends? ;)

Nessers said...

I feel your pain with buying presents - I stress for weeks on what to get someone and then end up telling them I still have the slip if they want to change it for something else. My ex boyfriend however is the total bomb - he walks into the shop 10 minutes before closing and buys the utmost perfect gift every time (I secretly hate him for it heheh)

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - It's odd hey. I know my friends so well, yet I always seem to buy the wrong fucking thing. Sooo frustrating! Does your ex still buy you presents dude?

Charmskool said...

Well, one man's halva is ...I lurve halva and as for stuffed olives yummeee! Ingrates!

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - Shit! Next time YOU'RE getting my presents! :)

Miss T said...

I went for the tacky presents: I got my friend a pair of salt and pepper shakers shaped like bunnies doing it doggy-style.

Peas on Toast said...

Miss T - oh my GOD, that's brilliant! I'd use them for dinner parties without fail!

Anonymous said...

Peas on Toast said...

HAHAHAHAH - Anon they just can't rid themselves of the stereotype can they. Hilarious!

Nessers said...

Funny you should ask - yes he does - he recently went to China and brought me back a beautiful chinese silk kimono which was really nice of him and for my birthday he bought me a garmin cos he knows how useless I am with getting to new places

Peas on Toast said...

Wow Nessers! That's pretty thoughtful! ;)

I guess mine bought me back a book of Ozzy sayings. Bless.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Wait a minute, you work for Google and you couldn't find a ferry from Rhodes to Santorini ON Google? That's hilarious. And ironic. And why doesn't the Guiness world record for Zorba dancing set by Google come up FIRST on Google? What's up with that? Someone around there needs to shape up!

Peas on Toast said...


Why don't you email them and ask them yourself?

Peas on Toast said...

PS: I think they MAY have more important priorities to consider though...I know I do.

Anonymous said...

That's BS and you know it. You're only as strong as your weakest link.

Peas on Toast said...

What the fuck are you on about. Do you know how natural search works??

Being company secretary must have some perks for getting nailed up the backside on top of the photostatter. Nice!

Ches said...


"Popcorns ready!"

*munch nom nom, munch nom nom*

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - can I join you? I'd rather watch.

The photosta machine is in my sights already. ;)

Ches said...

*...nom nom munch*

Schweet Peas...pull in, pull in.

*passes popcorn*

"Can someone get the lights!"

JL said...

When Dorothy killed the witch the tindude was all "I have no money and we just met so I don't how to thank you," then he gave her some oil and she was like "No effin way. I totally needed oil for my flying house".

The moral of the story: Give people YouTube videos as gifts. They're almost free if you don't count the cost of launching a house onto a witch.

po said...

erm, actually I also had problems finding out Greek ferry details on the net. Surely it is the fault of the companies for not listing the details, and not Google?
Google cannot read minds yet, as far as I know.

Mini said...



Buy something they will like NOT YOU!

(Damn always tell my folks that!)

Peas on Toast said...

jl - free gifts, YouTube videos, love that idea! ('Here you go chaps, a free video of my holiday, you like, you like?' ;)

Po - that's exactly right. The better linkbacks and and overall quality a company's website has, the better chance it will pop up into the natural Google search results. Turns out there never WAS ferry from Rhodes to Santorini, hence the fruitless search and yeah it is up to the website owner/company to deploy an actively user-friendly website. Absolutely.

Mini - but SURELY they like what I like?? Surely?? No? (Not that I'D eat halva, mind you.)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Um, I'll take 3RM's Halva!
I'm just saying.

Peas on Toast said...

Yay! Thanks Blondie! I'll tell 3RM to personally deliver it - you're DEFINITELY a lady I'd buy halva for ;)

Mini said...

Cheapeanonymous.(Oops I meant Ches,Peas and Anon......Thanx 4 da entertainment.Much appreciated!(Oh Pea you could be a mutant ninja turtle-"Peas in a half shell.Turtle Power!"