God. The sheer affliction when you are retarded at buying the right gifts.
I'm just shit at it.
I bought everyone food back from Greece, because the tacky shit is [apparently] laughable for 5 seconds, and then the leprechaun on the spring loses its novelty.
Don't get me wrong, novelty tacky crap is just up my street. And I reckon if it evokes marvelling/a laugh/bewilderment – then it's a winner.
I mean, for Doc's birthday last year I bought him a USB-enabled stripping doll pole.
From Kitsch & Kool. I was well excited.
A Barbie that mechanically slides around a pole in a leather thong. Kettle height, and you can run this baby off your desk computer.
Not a present for an auditer or corporate investment banker, sure, but I'd sure as buggeration love having one of those on my desk. How fucking amusing.
Still, so I bought 3RM food like everyone else. Poen got a bag of vacuum packed stuffed olives and peppers (I swear it looks good, even through the wrapping, I swear...) And I got 3RM a box of halva, because that's a Greek sweet, and I was trying to purposely avoid the tacky collectibles. Just for once.
But on closer investigation, it's like the My Friend Went To London & All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt t-shirt. He rather fancied the idea of the Whose Your Paddy? one from Dublin – but then I agree with him now.
I mentioned some of the tacky Greek curios you see in throngs down the streets – like plastic busts of naked dudes, gladiator helmets, and in saturated abundance: pillars crafted out of plastic and concrete in all sizes. But the best are the plastic paperweight cellphone holder pillars.
Little pillars you can perch your Crackberry on. Fuck, I should've bought a whole bag back, what was I thinking? 3RM, once again, would've preferred one of those. And he doesn't eat fucking halva it so turns out.
3RM might be going to Libya at some stage, and said he already knows what to bring back: a burqa outfit which he'll get printed with My Mate Went To Libya And All I Got Was This Lousy Burqa.
Let's assume Tourism Hot Spot isn't Libya's main economic thrust, and therefore you couldn't buy it with the printing already on.
He's quite right though. I'd love that. I'd even go out and ensure I came right in it.
Some people are good at buying presents; other people are good at way more saucy activities. I'm just saying.
Oh and I rewatched my favourite YouTube clip ever last night. Only 47 seconds long, it's fucking hysterical:
Don't you just love the way the dude is just yanked out of the frame after casually ambling in, previously having fallen face down in a mud pie, fucked on vodka.
God it's great.