Thursday, September 11, 2008

wankeration

Water and strawberries for dinner.

That's so exciting, let's all publicly wank.

Another pilates session.

Being a health freak for a week is grand. Because it's only for a week.

But back to wanking, before I fade away completely. Googled a few things about our my a favourite past time last night.

Men in a romantic sense, at least in this country, frustrate and irritate me. They're all...the same. Just kind of morph into one another, and if they don't, they're morphing into women. Frankly. Or are settled or married, and yawn, enough.

So until I meet an amazing French/Italian/Czech/Spanish/Latvian god, with beautiful rich, dark brown hair....who is spat down from heaven in such a manner that the direct intention is that he was meant to fall on my feet specifically, I'll stick to self love.

So.

I searched wank stats. However on searching for is masturbation good exercise?, I found a tantric site (with go-geous ho-geous purple crushed satin as the background template), with some interesting results:

If you do not have the open heart nor the willingness to experiment; or if you are irritated by the idea of masturbation, please simply skip this page.

I read on.

I suggest you have a session with yourself every day, as a meditation, for three months, and see what the results are for yourself.

OK, so like yoga.

On answerbag.com: Is masturbation a futile exercise? Answer: Only if you don't ejaculate.

Wikipedia said that wanking's many benefits include stress and depression alleviation, lowered blood pressure, decreased risk of prostate cancer and heart disease, increased sense of self worth, and some 'professionals consider it a cardiovascular workout.'

They left out increased libido.

No real mis-benefits were mentioned except for 'potential penile fracture.'

Ouch fuck. Yay for having a poen, is all I can say.

PS: I didn't mean to overly criticise men and whack them all into the same male receptacle.
There are some lovely fellas out there. I just haven't met them yet. Kidding kidding, honestly.

PPS: Happy wanking.

PPPS: I'm in bed with cramps this morning, so I feel about as sexual as a car component right now.

23 comments:

kyknoord said...

Wouldn't it be ironic if you felt like a clutch?

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - Or a handbrake?

Charmskool said...

Interesting - so I don't have to go to gym anymore? Yay because I hate aerobics. Most guys make me feel as sexual as a car component - so until I meet that gorgeous Italian/French/Spanish/Greek (er no maybe not Greek - I had one of those and he was so possessive)dark-haired, olive-skinned hunk....

icepick said...

I have taken your advice and from today, no more wanking! :)

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - I just had a swell idea. Wanna go on an olive-skinned dashingly-brown-haired fishing trip to Europe with me next year? (In summer. When they've all come out to play!)

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - that's just a darn shame. You'll be missing out! ;)

icepick said...

Going without a wank is like playing video games without a controller.

Telepathically is may possible, but fuck that :)

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - yeah I can't say I've ever telepathically wanked.

I thought about wanking in various scenarios...but never tried the telepathic route myself.

icepick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Peas on Toast said...

Icepick - yeah wet dreams, um, I won't comment - but on the wanking and having a GF. Dude keep wanking. All the stuff I read last night says that wanking increases libido, and assist your sex life. Seriously.

Wank away. Together if you need to, I say.

icepick said...

whahaha

Mini said...

PeaPea

I read a survey back in school that woman masturbate as much as men yet dont admit to it.For that I commend you!

There was guy that stated in the survey that he needed to wank just to get his heart pumping everyday(I personally think that he has issues but thats just me-[ust the excessive behaviour])

Babe hows the new vibrator?

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - haha, I have NO problem admitting that I'm a wanker, I mean it's perfectly natural innit? ;)

However I think men, just from male research taken over the years probably wank more frequently. I dunno. I mean, me and my vibrator are pretty toight. No pun intended. ;)

Ches said...

Is that how you got cramp?

joe said...

Peas... yay for the wanking! Glad you're so liberated!

I'm not happy that you're disappointed in SA men - but, I'm disappointed in SA women.

So, we'd probably be perfect. How many people have you gone on dates with from this blog?

You need a new man... plus I reckon I wank more than anyone I know, so I'm perfect! :-)

Peas on Toast said...

Sadly not Ches. This wasn't wank cramp. :(

Joe - Why hello there, I liked your shpeel until you told me how much you wank. :) Kidding, I really don't mind. I've actually only been on one date from this blog - and that's with Kyknoord! (Way back when I won a date with him...what a lucky bitch I was!)
But when it comes to online, if there's one thing I'm tentative about, it's online dating...

Maybe one day, who knows...

joe said...

Yes, I remember when you went on that date with Kyk.

I'll have to institute another competition and rig it so that you're the only winner. lol

After picturing you on the golden sands of Lesbos dancing like Zorba, I just can't resist.

Peas on Toast said...

Woah Joe (don't you love how that rhymes?)

You make me blush ;)

Lesbos? hahaha

joe said...

Oh yes! Lesbos!

The blushing could just be as a result of your current situation that's causing the cramps though. :)

Did you bring me any baklava?

I would ask for Pavlova, but I know better. It's actually just an Australian dessert named after some ballet dancer!

Peas on Toast said...

Joe can I offer you some halva on behalf of 3RM? ;)

joe said...

I'll take halva!

happy snapper said...

PEAS, its been a while. Since Ive been on your blog, not wanked ;)

you should check out Expensive Mistakes blog...she has a post up from Candy expressing her wankeration views and expertise. You'd enjoy it. A good laugh too.

Dr.LLoyd said...

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