Wednesday, September 17, 2008

woe be gone

OK.

So 24 hours wasn't enough. It's just got worse. This overwhelming whatever-it-is – sadness, frustration? But generally unfounded blues - it only escalated yesterday.

Fair enough, I had one fuck off chaotic day that I spent beating through with a stick. But come 5:00pm, I was at that catatonic point where I just needed to sit and stare at a wall.
And cry.

It's not work that's getting me down. I have shitloads on my plate, but it's not that.

I thought sitting slumped on the couch, listening to sad music and staring at Marilyn Monroe on the wall, I'd reach an utmost cathartic low.
Reaching a catharsis always worked for emo kids.

Poets also used to think this was a good idea. As did Sylvia Plath. Who ended up jamming her head in an oven, after taking Introspective Emo Kid to the next level. I bore this in mind. I'd never want to feel that shit. Come on.

I knew either way, somehow, this morning I'd have to feel better. I do I think.

3RM had also had a shocker of a day, and so we sat listening to sad music, in silence just wallowing.

Gloria Estefan seemed appropriate if not contrived. Apt for that feeling of overwhelming frustration. I would've liked to cry, but I never really got there. Crying might've been good – but then I don't think this sadness warrants crying.

Nothing completely grief-ridden has occurred, there's not enough justification for a good howl.

Instead, I had an ouzo and orange juice.

Drastic measures.
It's all I really had in my fridge.
It was well bad.

Listened to about 5 seconds of The Stylistics, and realised that five dudes with afros dressed in armpit-length white pants with pegs clipped onto their testicles for higher melodic whining, was not going to be great cathartic material.

Copped out with The Carpenters. Just imagining Karen Carpenter singing in her parents garage in a pinafore is enough to make anyone cry.

Instead, the neighbour decided to throw on a semi-automated industrial machine in his house.
All but blaring out my chance to volute in self-pity. That Hoover made a fucking racket and messed with my melancholy vibe. Still didn't cry. Too tired.

I'm hoping by end-week, this horrible funk will have dissipated. Because nothing in life is as good or as bad as it seems. And I really prefer being a cheerful bitch.

The reasons are small, but quantitative. I'm giving up on certain areas of my life, and am going to try and ride with these decisions when I feel ready. And yes, men are incomprehensible to me at the moment. Aliens.

Also giving up smoking on Friday. I'm starting to get scared.

24 comments:

Elle said...

You're right nothing is as bad as it seems. I've felt that way before and it takes some doing to shake off, but it does go away so keep on trucking.

PS - stay away from the oven and avoid reading the Bell Jar ;)

Nessers said...

Get really pissed, get drunk and cry a LOT (we don't need a reason to cry other than we want to) and yes I agree Men are aliens - the farther we stay away from them the better (well some of them anyway)

Peas on Toast said...

HAHA THANKS eLLE :)

I've decided that all of this is rather funny. I'm bouncing back.

Maybe feeling a little hysterical, but I'm laughing. That's a good sign right? ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - A.L.I.E.N.S. Why we are forced to interact and have sexual relations with this species is beyond me :)

I can't cry. It's so annoying. Maybe I need to watch Schindler's List or something :(

Elle said...

that's good indeed.

tyrone said...

Peas - sorry to hear you're having a kak time hey! I know we all go through them and the trick is to just ride the wave.

But I also know it's easier said than done. What I find helps me...

1) Refocus on my goals - short term and medium term.

2) Make sure I don't eat a lot of sugar or drink - causes your endorphins to jump quickly but then they crash even worse!

3) Physical labour - the funky monkey if you can otherwise exercise, exercise, exercise...

Hope you feel better soon! :-)

happy snapper said...

Wow Peas, I think you and I are sitting in the same sad/frustrated boat. Your post is sounding all too familiar to me.
Well, I hope things look up for you hun, it really does suck donkey balls to be in this kind of "sunk-funk".
Chin up Peas :)

Oh and yes, men are definately aliens. Im tired of trying to understand them.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Aww Peas!! Turn that frown upside down!
Ok. sorry. I think it's the change of season, changes in life and well...hello? FRIDAY is a BIG day!
On the flip side, exciting times and excting changes, right? Right?
Now sing with me:
"Iiiiif you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!!"
Sorry.

I felt that rotten egg thrown at me.

Mini said...

Sweatpeaswithcarrotsandcorn

I think you need to settle down.Get a man!(Don't worry we will scan the dude thoroughly and make sure he is peas-ible)

I got a song for you now that you are smiling...........Diana Ross and The Supremes-I'm coming out)Classic I tell you

Aah Happy Snapper......My wife to be....good to hear you!How have you been????

On the not understanding MEN comment............At my pals wedding ceremony the Imam gave him some advise............."My son you can NOT understand a woman,just LOVE a woman!"

I guess the same would apply to MEN!( we from different planets so quit trying to understand us ,just love us)

Charmskool said...

I walk from Sea Point to Camps Bay and back and then I feel too tired to be blue. In winter I put on really loud music and sing and dance till I feel better. Failing which I eat a huge tub of icecream or a month's supply of chocolates (the secret ingredients which make up my voluptuous hips m'dear). If all fails I sleep! A lot! And I avoid men. Try not to even look at them. Aliens!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks guys...

I apprecaite all your cheerfulness around the old place, I certainly can do with a bit of that. And of course, some warranted empathy towards my misunderstanding of male human nature.

The frustration I tell you. Come Friday I will plant a smile on my dial, fo shizzle.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh and YAY GOODIE GUM DROPS!

My colleague bought his puppy into the office, bless it's little heart - it's an adorable tiny little beagle. Soooo cute!

Gold digger said...

Eish, I think whatever you've got is contagious. I've been having a super grumpy day. I'll try the glass of wine self remedy tonight. Hopefully it helps. Right now I'm doing loads of deep breathing and so far I haven't bitch-slapped anybody. Yet.

Peas on Toast said...

Shit gold digger - I'm starting to think there's something in the water, or maybe it is really the moon? But judging from general feedback, it's tough times out there!

po said...

I hate that feeling when you feel like you should cry, you need to cry, but it just doesn't come. Tearduct constipation is not cool. There should be a kind of senekot for your eyes.

Peas on Toast said...

Tear constipation, oh man Po, that is fabulous!

I'm thinking I'll burst into tears at the most inappropriate moment, not in the safety of my own house.

Like after a 3 tequilas or something. Argh!

Miss T said...

You don't think its post-birthday blues? Just have a seriously good cry...you don't need a reason.

Peas on Toast said...

Miss T - yip, I think post-birthday blues has a lot to do with this frame of mind! Absolutely. Perhaps a new weekend will sort that out? Hopefully! x

Mic said...

SO know what you mean. i can't ever put it into words, you do a damn site better than I do.
Glad do see you're getting outta the funk though...
Found this vid.... cracked me up
http://bitecateringblog.wordpress.com/2008/09/17/beautiful/
Some of his other vids like The Classifieds are worth checking out, fucking hilarious.
Have a good evening Peas!

Mic said...

AAAAHHH, only just read about your work matey bringing in the puppy!!!

I love Beagles, I have one named Fudge.
They are instant happy mood makers!

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Mic!
Thanks so much, for spreading the love with your link - I've been trying to find the humour in everything today and have actually managed somehow :)

Aren't widdle baby beagles the cutest?

Bit a chunk out of my upper arm though. Oh well. ;)

Pink said...

I am in the same slum. its so shit! let me know when you get out of it..maybe you can tell me how...

justjack said...

Hi peas,
Just a note to say that even your down expressions seem to highlight my day! Im wondering if it aint allen carr thats affecting you so-my date with destiny is next friday and its like a slow goodbye to a really good pal!! Oi...hope it goes well for you.
PS: If it still aint coming(the tears that is)The Hours is the flick to see!

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Pink!
Shit, there must definitely be something in the water, I'm just glad to know I'm not alone :) If I find any miracle cures, I'll certainly let you know. Hope you feel better soon. xx

justjack - oh man, you're also doing Allen? Good luck my dear - I'm shitting myself for tomorrow. I'm breaking up with cigarettes....I am terrified. The tears have yet to come, but am slowly but surely starting to feel normal again. Good luck and let me know how it goes!