Monday, October 20, 2008

detergent adverts and stuff

What the heck?
It's unorthodox enough having a Skype pal who lives in Europe, but now I have managed to find another one. Or rather, one managed to find me after years of not seeing him.
How about that.

This one lives in Durban.
We're not Skyping, but he's a dude that I am in sudden communication with, and have been out with a few times.
And, again: he's a china that doesn't live in my city.

I mean hell. Durban is next door compared to Belgium.
Durban is practically Joburg South in mere comparison.

I could walk to Durban and maybe manage to not die. But I'd surely be mauled to death by desert goats and tribal cannibals on the way to Europe.

How ridiculous.
I suppose it's like having a special friendship with two men. Where there is a sexual something or other. Where they live far away.
I suppose that's exactly what it is.

One thing that's quite funny, is that the Brelgian Waffle says 'ja' sometimes these days. I even witnessed a 'kiff' slip out.

Right. Don't make me feel worse about this than I already do:

I fell off the fucking smoking wagon. I am the 1% that fucking failed.

I had a few cigarettes this weekend. I'm not sure why, I'm not sure even the fuck how – can we not discuss it please?
So many people manage to so the 'Just a few at a social bash' thing, so why the fuck can't I?
In reality, I can't do this. So am starting a new page today. Monday. None of this 'a smoke-here-and-there' bullshit.
I'm going to phone the emergency Allen Carr hotline number they gave me.

But this is still not up for discussion.

Of course, I went to about 8 braais this weekend, whereby one cigarette meant I'd make instant friends. Because that's what smokers do.
I met two amazing girls who immediately became my New Best Friends – an actress and a hotshot fashion designer.

Two independent lovely women who I just casually started chatting to at these garden functions – unmarried, unpretentious, unshallow, unbovvered.

However, one braai this weekend a little picture perfect: did I stumble into a Sta-Soft ad ow what. Cover me in Tuscan architecture and call me Stunninghill.
Engagement ring talk, baby talk, finance talk – and all in bright shiny clothes with lurid smiles.

Went to join Dove and company at a pretentious little restaurnty hole. She informed me that this new laugh I have adopted – don't know how the fuck this happened either – isn't in fact fetching and adorable. In fact, apparently it looks and sounds like Jack Nicholson in The Shining..

I can't help it, my laugh is ingrained in me and it's scaring people shitless.

Dove: Oh my God. Don't do that.
Peas: [finishes laughing] Do what?

Dove: That laugh china. You look like Jack Nicolson in The Shining.

Peas: No I don't.

Dove: It looks like you're about to vomit on the table.

Peas: Well you were laughing like an orangutan right now.

Dove: [face drops] Fuck you, that's my normal laugh.

Dove came home with me, we quaffed more pinotage, talked more shit and both passed out at 3:30am.
Was nice to wake up to a friend in the house again. I miss that still sometimes.


kyknoord said...

Sounds like the rings are shot on that wagon.

Revolving Credit said...

Found you on Skype..ja right.

You've started your own little webcam site, haven't you..just for giggles?
And he recognised that mole on your ass, didn't he??

Hope you didn't refund him his $5 just cuz he knows you!

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - given myself a pep talk and referred back to the Carr notes. Won't go out this week and should be back to normal. Am hoping.

Rev - you got me. I'm running ym own dating dot com site out of a garage in Boksburg.

You got me ;)

Nessers said...

We all fall off the habit wagon once or twice or 100 times before we realise we really do want to give something up for our own good so don't beat yourself up too much - just say 12 "Oh Fuck's" and get right back on the wagon and try again

Revolving Credit said...

Cute mole!

Revolving Credit said...

That is so very Cindy Crawford of your ass.

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - twleve Hail Mary's and twelve Oh Fucks shouold do it.

No seriously, the pain and torture of giving up is so crap, I don't want to go through it again. So no more.

Might just have to eb a recluse for the rest of my life, but whatever. Small sacrifice I guess.

Rev - That's HotAss560, not mine. My mole is somewhere else.


Mini said...


Ok now u mention the smokes yet dont want us to comment! Dudette why the fuck not?

Skype amazing innit?I can see my sis apartment down in OZ yet Ive never been there......On Skype......are ja havin a threesome via Skype lol?

thatdamnjoe said...

"Nessers - twleve Hail Mary's and twelve Oh Fucks shouold do it."

See, the typing dyslexia is catchign

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - cos it makes me feel more worthless and annoyed with myself than I already am. :(

Joe - dude we need to exorcise you. Keen?

thatdamnjoe said...

I reckon I need exercise mroe than exorcise, but if it involves beer, deciduous fruits, monster hits cd's, sosaties and an adult twister mat then I'm there.

Peas on Toast said...

I'll provide the Monster Hits CDs. If you provide the Adult Twister Mat then we can do buisness :)

po said...

You could walk to Durban... but the tokoloshe could kidnap you so take along some bricks.

Peas on Toast said...

Po - Or I could, you know, drive :)

JL said...

When Little Red Riding hood walked through the woods she landed up in Germany where they make mutant wolves who can comment on the size of their mouths and what eat old people to keep support on the government down because pension's expensive if you're using... currency that the German's use. You should walk to Dublin through that forest. Like in Narnia through a closet but like a whole lot less with annoying pomms. You know, because they talk to lions which you can't do here. Obv.

Peas on Toast said...

JL - Have I missed you and your crazy yet wholly amusing comments.
How are we doing rock star?

JL said...

Hey Peas, I'm friggin' tired hey. I wish I could read more blogs and do more posts but I'm studying and working and both are kicking my ass. Bugga. But it's worth it because I get to move overseas! YES!

I'm sorry about the smoking thing. But you'll be ok. You'll quit good and proper. I believe it. And the Cheshire cat said it would happen and he knows his shit.

Anonymous said...


Have just returned from an overseas trip and was catching up on your blog.

I have Skype and I have a bath!!!!

I'm just saying.

Peas on Toast said...

JL - ah I'm actually jealous of your working and studying...mainly because you get to live in Paris and that, foe us mortals, sucks a lot of donkey dick.
But admittedly pretty darn alright for you - so good luck with it all guy and hope it's coming together!

I havent smoked since there might be hope yet.

Anon - are you hot? Are you male? Are you foreign? ;)

Anonymous said...

Hi Peas

I think I can modestly claim to have been considered pretty hot and a muff diver of considerable skill. Judging by your blog I think you would have rated me. Am now past it and am left to my own devices if you know what I mean. I am a male South African

Peas on Toast said...

A muff diver of considerable skill.

Although I'm sure you knwo what to do between a lady's crotch, that term fills me with as much dread as a wet day in Benoni when the pub's closed.