Tuesday, November 25, 2008

the chocolatier who had to

Last night, I finally got a cabinet delivered to me that I ordered months ago from Doc. A beautiful piece of Indian somethingorother, with doors and everything.

Makes a difference from the industrial looking steel shelf it was sitting on.
Anyway after months of waiting, it arrived and it's looking beautiful. Furniture that would even stand the test of time, and has some element of taste to it.
Pity though the TV makes it look fuck off ugly.

See, my TV is twelve years old. It's one of those original vintage LGs that is gargantuan.
It's about 600 times thicker than the thickest flatscreen out there.

Originally bought this puppy in second year varsity, and besides the solid green stripe on the screen down the right hand side - which is only distracting when I have a hangover - for R200, it was a steal.

That cutting edge design of the mid-90s that didn't quite stand the test of time.

It's also sitting on top of my video machine that I refuse to get rid of, only because all my Twin Peaks movies are still on VCR.

So for someone who works in the tech industry, my lounge looks like my grandmother's, and not the gadget garage it should be.

No bovver, though. I got other fish to fry: overseas travel. (Oh and a mistakenly purchased piano.)

Was, however, idly watching Girls Of The Playboy Mansion on it last night. And yes, this reality show has scraped the lowest depths of depravity in light of modern day capitalist trash, but last night was especially worthy of mention.

Holly, Hef's main squeeza, reckons for his 82nd birthday, she's going to get a chocolate moulded out of her vagina.

While the other girls ordered more contemporary and perhaps more palatable moulds of their body parts, such as their noombies and buttcheeks, Holly had a dude brush silicone moulding paste over her frou frou, and then proceed to turn it into a large piece of poen-shaped chocolate, which she then presented to Hef over dinner with guests.

(One including Pamela Anderson, but that's neither here not there.)

So that was interesting. “I know. I'll give him a chocolate crotch for his birthday.”

Especially when she waltzed into the chocolatier and said, “Hi there how are you super thanks for asking. Could you make a mould from my vagina? It's Hef's favourite part of my body.”

Well it worked. Apparently his other two birds are no longer. They've moved out.

Not that I'd suggest you do this for your boyfriends or anything.

PS: A bit like the Christmas Wish List, you want to do something cool this Chrimbo? How about giving away the stuff you don't want, or even collect your own gifts for those who can't afford it? Visit Ronald's Christmas-Jozi Style page for more details.


Billy said...

Thank you for the airtime...

les gosses et je l'appr├ęcie

Nessers said...

FYI - Holly has also broke up with him and is engaged to an american football player - Hef now has 19 year old twins as girlfriends (I kid you not)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Oh and the twins? Identical. See now...how did this work? Does the oldest by however many minutes go first? I'd be pissed if I was the youngest twin - sloppy seconds constantly.

Oh and cannot wait for Thurs. Just saying.

Peas on Toast said...

Good luck with it and hope it goes brilliantly! xx

Nessers - shut up, seriously?? Good GOD. How does the old geezer do it?
I mean sure, $$$. But there's a line.

Peas on Toast said...

Blondie - either way we're going to have t celebrate with a few cocktails!! xx

The Blonde Blogshell said...

PS> I couldn't think of ANYTHING worse than giving my man a chocolate poen. Seriously. Um.... just to HAVE that idea is seriously disturbing. 'nuff said.

Sadie said...

19 year old twins!!! What the F. I wonder what their parents think.

"So, what are the twins up to these days" "Oh not much, just having their way with an 82 year old man for a living"

Jesus Christ.

Peas on Toast said...

Blonide - I agree, I'm a pretty crude bird by nature, but chocolate poens are just way over the line.

Sadie - it's revolting. Imagine....urrrg...having SEX with that. EEEEK!!! There go my ovaries...shrivelling up!

Mini said...


I trust you are well?( i dont know coz I was on study leave)

Bwahahaha on the squeeza term!

Eish wena I hear Mr Hefner is also feeling the pinch due to the world wide credit crunch.Shame must be hard being a playboy

Revolving Credit said...

Ermm....remember this!

I wonder if you could do something similar with Xmas cake?

Face it, this must be a great way to introduce the un-initiated to cunnilingus?

Kinda 'have you cake and eat it'?

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - hi there dear! Hope the study leave is going ok, and the graft is getting nicely absorbed :)

Do you think he's feeling it? Or he's like 'What recession?'

Rev....oh no...I should've known you'd pull this one up. And yes, it's firmly ensconced to memory! ;)

Anonymous said...

Fuck, and you thought buying condoms from the Engen is bad!

Peas on Toast said...

Aanon - it is bad china. It really is.

kyknoord said...

Maybe Holly's a South Park fan and wanted to give the equivalent of Chef's chocolate salty balls?

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk, dude I'm telling you - a truckload of Chef's salty balls would've been a dream- a draym - in comparison.

Chocolate poen? I dunno. I'm just not convinced hey.