Wednesday, January 28, 2009

just part of the vibe

So, when I was in Israel in November, I spent one of my evenings in Jerusalem. One of my mates happens to live there now, so she showed me around the Old City, the temple and the Wailing Wall after three days of the most hectic intense work I’ve done since I started at my company.

Anyhey, I was just lucky to have gone to Israel during one of its rare peace intervals – I got a window period.
And I was equally as lucky to have a mate who has lived there for three years now, to show me around.
She and her hubby and baby are out in South Africa for a while, so I went to dinner at theirs on Monday.

And I naturally asked about the rockets, the recent shit going down there, and how they generally deal, of course. And, like, what happens when there is a rocket pointed towards their area of lieu.

When I was there, I didn’t actually believe I’d be bombed at any time. Things, especially in Tel Aviv, were chilled. Regardless of the countless bomb detectors I had to walk through at restaurants, religious venues, bus terminals, et cetera, in Jerusalem.

But one of the most endearing qualities of my mate; is that she is so calm and chilled. So unbelievably B Type; so lax about how it all works there. I mean, she’s a South African born-and-bred Jewess. And she turned to her new life in Israel with gusto – now donning a scarf over her hair at all times, for instance.

“Bomb shelters,” she said with a shrug.

I didn’t realise this when I was there, see. That the streets have public bomb shelters (certainly didn’t see any?), but now they are just conspicuously signposted. Basically, a siren will go off – whether it’s a practice drill or the real deal – and people have between 10 to 60 seconds to locate a galvanized bomb shelter during a bomb panic.

All houses, apartments and businesses that have been built within the last 10 years are all equipped with a room or basement that serves as a bomb shelter. With special windows and steel walls. If you’re in the streets, or sitting in traffic when there’s a drill – which evidently rings through the entire metropolis – you simply leave your car running and find the nearest shelter.

Could you imagine the stress? In some places, like on the West Bank, you have 10 seconds. To find your children and make a plan. No time for thinking.

Fuck. Me.

This was all discussed over a wonderful plate of kosher mash and gravy.


In other news, apparently the now ex-girlfriends of Hugh Hefner used to get an allowance of $1000 a week, according to Kendra.
And they had to sign a register when they arrived and departed the Playboy mansion.

$1000/week for a slap and tickle with an 82 year old?

I don’t know. Seems like a raw deal.

PS: To the Skype user from Romania who kept trying to call me and add me as a contact last night. No. Phoning random people for a chat over and over and over again after I pressed ‘REJECT’ repeatedly makes you annoying and now, blacklisted. Or possibly a sex offender.


Revolving Credit said...

Probably some hungry person trying to skype you with their KFC order.

Then again, maybe not. He was from Romania, not Hungary.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Ro-MANIA, you got that straight :)

Revolving Credit said...

Are the toilets in Israel bombproof?

Cause 10 seconds may be a bit short when literally caught with your pants down.

Kinda dumpus interruptus...or do your just think..'OH MY GOD, WE'RE UNDER ATTACK'..and just shit your pants in panic??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Wow, I didn't even think of that. Unless of course they have solved the universal issue by making all toilet cubicles bomb proof?

....which wouldn't be a bad idea, all scenarios considered...;)

Revolving Credit said...

Not sure using a toilet as a shelter is such a great ideal, especially if it was recently occupied by someone else seeking a bit of ..umm..shelter.

Your kinda wanna wait for the dust to settle from the previous detonation before venturing in.

Anonymous said...


So your pal is probably a Zionist living in stolen land?

True jew

Revolving Credit said...

Anon - I doubt anyone would travel all the way there just to go live in RDP housing??

Might as well just shack up at home, if you ask me.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - or excessive use of urinal cakes is probably best considered :)

Anon - Stolen land? I'm not even getting into that, china.
She's orthodox Jew and has every right to live in Israel, what with her Israeli passport, I believe?

Mini said...


Would you slap and tickle and 82 year old for that money,bearing in mind that your time in and out is monitored?

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - no china I can't say I would. Even if it was $2000/wk, or $3000 a week or $crazyfuckloads a week.

Without freedom, whadoyouhave right? And with a curfew like that, when would you spend it??

The Spear said...

What? Kendra only goes for a $1 000per week? That is as good a bargain as one can get...:)