Monday, February 09, 2009
Beautiful wedding. Set in expansive vineyards, shadowed by mountains, and a wonderful couple - the bride looked absolutely incredible.
Problem was the sheer, crazy heat man. No honestly, Stellenbosch is in direct parallel with Hell, temperature-wise.
Jeez Darryl, I was sweating.
So much, I started to hallucinate and dropped a c-bomb in front of a group of older people. (The whole talking-to-oneself outbursts don’t stop at weddings).
Everyone was melting.
See, there’s heat right. Then there’s the fiery blazes of hell.
The kind of heat where two metres in front of you looks like a mirage.
Where you’re worried when you get off your seat, you have two perfectly formed ass-shaped lakes.
Where there’s a sweaty crazy funk going on in your belly button.
Where you wonder if you’ll ever make it to the dancefloor to cut some shapes, but the clawing across the floor will take all your energy once and for all.
So, yes, it was hot.
Dry, baking heat that makes me relieved I was never a student in Stellenbosch. Hell’s tits.
Luckily the heavens opened and dumped a load of water on everything, because the heat was apparently partly due to a whole bunch of raging veld fires going on around us.
It was festive, up until I put my wine glass down on the table a little too confidently, and it broke, driving the stem right into my finger.
When, after one or two, or maybe 4 glasses of wine, the concept of free-flowing blood exiting from your finger is almost quite fascinating.
I just kept on staring at it in complete disbelief until someone jammed it into a bowl of ice and wrapped a napkin around it.
And then grooved around like Edward Scissor Hands, except minus scissors plus towel, wrapped around the offended finger.
All in all, the wedding itself was a goodie.
Flew in and out of Lanseria. FYI, I’ll probably never fly internally from OR Tambo again. I was a Lanseria virgin, and now I’ll never go back. Once you’ve had Lanseria, you’re a-gonna. It’s the first time I’ve ever been so satisfied by something so small. And the first time I’ve been impressed with something that takes less than twenty minutes. That’s efficiency, and frankly, I’m in.
Hell, you can have breakfast on the deck while watching planes fanny about on the runway.
You park; you fly. I’m just saying: Lanseria.
You even get to take a country drive on the way home.