Friday, February 06, 2009

rabbits & deutscheland

Chaps, I’m going to Berlin.

After days of scouring maps, looking at sites and thinking about places I want to go for 9 days in April that doesn’t entail 5 connection flights and jetlag – I finally got smacked on the head with some German logic, zeit.

I’ve always wanted to see Berlin. I mean, Hello? Guten Tag?

Don’t know why I didn’t just wake up from day one, head to a public place filled with Women & Home poster ladies and say, ”Dude! Peas, you little minx! Berlin!” out loud while idly buying household comestibles.

And so, the Schengen visa bureaucracy starts. And crawling Expedia for cheap flights, possibly via Yemen.

But whatever. I’m going to do the same thing I did in Rio – stay in a dorm with a whole lot of travelling wilberries, eat eisbein, hang out with neo-nazis, listen to oompah music while I drink great big frothing tankards of beer, stand on the line where the Wall was…take my German rap career to new levels.

Was joking about the neo-nazis. I hope.

Anyway, that’s only April. In the meantime pressing weekend plans ensue.

I’ve whitened my teeth. (Home kit with gumguard. Overrated)
Put a hair mask on my locks. (Smells like silk. If, indeed, silk has a smell)
Seeing The Dove tonight for an after-work drinkie-poo.
Wedding on a Cape wine farm. (Dress crisis. Not sure the pink frock brings out my elbows quite how I want it to.)

Oh and, I’m thinking of getting a rabbit, which I’ll either call Gary or Dennis or Myles.

(Which sounds better: ‘This is my bunny rabbit Gary.’ Or ‘This is my bunny rabbit and his name is Myles.’ Or ‘Meet my rabbit, Dennis.’) Trevor was a consideration, but I bumped out it out of the top three.

Haven’t had a pet in a while. Saw a rabbit in Moogs’ garden at the Vaal and it was so fucking cute, it got the ball rolling. Seriously – I’ve had a rat, a guinea pig, hamsters, but I’ve never had a rabbit. So in all fairness, I’m not completely rodented-out.

But, it’s going to have to be a decision I don’t take lightly.

I travel a lot. And I’d have to take him to work. (Have already chatted to my boss about this though, so it’s not out of the question.) I’d have to get it a supersized, blinging, fuck off hutch.

And have an infinite supply of carrots on the ready in the fridge.

The travelling is the big issue. And 3RM isn’t in town anymore to babysit. [Kidding little buddy] But a fluffy guy that hops around and chills with me while I watch Denise Richards: It’s Complicated, while munching on salad and stuff? Shitters, I’m tempted.

(Leaning towards Gary. No one has a bunny called Gary, come on. Or Dennis.)


kyknoord said...

Sounds like you need a stuffed rabbit. I have one I inherited one from my grandfather that I'd be willing to give to you on permanent loan. He's a bit grubby, but nothing a bit of Vanish Power O2 can't handle, although he looks more like a Myles than a Gary

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - you really have a stuffed rabbit??
My late rodents are turning in their graves china - was he used for stew or just that your grandfather somma needed a stuffed rabbit??

(Where do you store the little vermin?)

tyrone said...

I have a big rubber duck with a bow tie. You can have that if you want? He might not flop around but if you tie some fish gut to his neck and to your ankle he'll follow you around?

Peas on Toast said...

tyrone - great minds think alike! It's one from @Home right? I have two - Sebastian (the pink gay one) and Jereny the one with polka dots on him. They're sitting on my desk as we speak.

(My colleague has the black one with the studded collar, he's hot. He's called Bartholomew.)

tyrone said...

No idea where's his from... My sister's thought it would be an amusing Christmas present! :-) But I'm guessing not too many shops sell them?

Haven't named him yet... Suggestions?

Peas on Toast said...


Ok here are my suggestions. And bearing in mind, you can't call a domestic animal an 'animal-name'.

Alexander Forbes
Arthur Andersen
Gilles (Sjeel)
Rio Tinto
Toyota Conquest
Jesus (pronounced Hayzoos)
god (with small g)
Plymouth (and New Plymouth if we got a new one)
Poisson (Fish in French)
North Dakota

Nessers said...

Rabbits that live in cages are very smelly - just be prepared to constantly be cleaning out his hutch and they poo a lot cos all they eat is green leafy things and those pellets that look like the poo of another animal - they are very cute but their living arrangements in captivity are not

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - I hear you. Mason-Rodney my guinea pig was like that. He ate his own pooh 'cos he liked it.

But that's the reason why I want to bring my rabbit into work and set up a little grass patch for him during the day.

All very impractical, of course....;)

bosotter said...

The stuffed rabbit and the rubber ducks are all fantastic, but why don't you get a capybara? They're cute and they love water. Just watch out, apparently they are allergic to piranhas... No seriously, lots to consider before you make decide to get a pet of any kind!
B.T.W, your guinea pig ate his own pooh because of a mineral deficiency. Dont feel bad, most people don't know that and it's a natural thing for them to do.

Peas on Toast said...

bosotter - hahaha :) Yip I got the guidebook manuel for Guinea Pig owners and apparently it's a natural thign for them to do. It was helluva disconcerting to watch though :)

Also ok, what is a 'capybara' - never heard of it? Sounds interesting! And would he suit a name like Gary or Dennis?

bosotter said...
Heres a link to Wiki.
Basically they are the largest rodent on the planet, weighing in at about 70kg! But they are really cute! They love water!
I must say they are more a Dennis than a Gary, but Phillip or Frank might also work!

Peas on Toast said...

bosotter - PHILIP. God, I am in love - beautiful!
So I'm guessing they're like manatees right? (Will check out yoru wikipedia link now)

By the sounds of things, I'd need to convert my study into a spare room :)

bosotter said...

Go check the link, they are like huge guinea pigs, but they swim! Manatees are water bound. Capybara / capibaras are very cool! I have decided, they are Phillip! Look at them!
Person: Hi! And who is this?
Peas: Oh, this is Phillip!
Person: What exactly is he?
Peas: Oh, he's a Capibara!
Person: Oh... (exit stage left)

Peas on Toast said...

bosotter - wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

you got that right - you should go into scriptwriting :)

Wallfish said...

Maybe if you got a rabbit you could play Moderato to it instead of us. But then that leaves some weighing up: Moderato to me, or rabbit shit everywhere and the rabbit hears it.

Peas on Toast said...

Wallfish - well I was playing 'MODERATO' (which means...moderate in Latin), to your dog this morning. And she seemed to enjoy it. ;)

Peter said...

Wow, Berlin for 9 days.
Hopefully you will hop on a high speed train and see some other parts of Germany.

I spent 3 days in Berlin last year and pretty much got to see the whole place.
Try and spread the good stuff (beer, pretzels Schweine Haxen) with the bad stuff (War ministries, propaganda museum etc.).

Berlin is a lovely city though.
Would highly reccommend Munchen too, the Bavarians know how to party.

SAA fly direct to Germany (Munchen and Frankfurt) and their fares are normally really good.

neil, the ranter said...

peas - i've just lost my breakfast. are. you. NUTS? if there is one thing i can't stomach it would have to be rodents. YUCK! spiders, snakes, heights, open spaces, the darkness - all that is childs play when compared to a rat.

i mean - a rat, really. many guises. they are sneaky fuckers.

rat = rat rat
guinea pig = fat rat
hamster = dumb rat
squirrel = rat with a fancy tail
rabbit = poser rat with big ears and a fur coat
pigeon = rat with wings

ok, the pigeon would be an exception...

but still... a rat. excuse me while i freak the fuck OUT!

Peas on Toast said...

Neil - hang on : "spiders, snakes, heights, open spaces, the darkness"



OK let's freak out together, I need a tranquiliser :)

Revolving Credit said...

So, you're looking to get a rabbit?

But what type of rabbit do you want?

Not too sure about taking it to the office? though??

Peas on Toast said...

Ha! I knew it!
I'm just off on the waiting period, but I knew it Revvie :)

Revolving Credit said...

There's a waiting period?? For the Rabbit?
What, like for a firearm license?

I'm assuming that is because the rabbit may be considered a weapon?

fuzzy logic said...

You know Pajero means wanker in Spanish? That could be a fun name :-)

I'd recommend the Heart of Gold hostel in Berlin, particularly the pub crawl they run. Just don't fall head-first down the club stairs like I did, after WAY too many of their free Jaegers...

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - maybe some, erm, pedigree breeds, one has to wait for :)

Fuzzy - howzit! Funny I came across the Heart of Gold Hostel in my research, so it comes highly recommended you say?

Is it in East Berlin, as I'd like to stay there if possible...

Mini said...


How about HOPKINS for the bunny?(I like the sound of it)

Please cause some chaos @ the wedding so we can read about it on Monday!


Peas on Toast said...

Mini - hahaha. Me cause chaos? At a wedding?? That seems VERY unlike me :)

Peter said...

Any guys from primary school going to be at the wedding?

Mini said...

"I cause my own chaos"

Your words not mine! lol

Let us know bout the rabbit name k

Shana | Secretary Diaries | said...

Hi Mushy Peas

I pop by your blog from time to time and always find a good read to add humour to my day :-)
Just saw that you now have a book published - Congrats! I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for it at my local bookstore.

Kind Regards

The Spear said...

Good for you! You are trading up! A Rabbit is the next logical step. :)

Do you use the same logic with men? :)

Karabo said...

My ex had a fluffy white rabbit called Roger with a tartan bowtie.This is true hey. The bloody thing used to poo all over the flat. We sent him off to a buddy's farm and the poor thing was humped by the giant farm rabbits, turned out the Roger was a Rogerette...

Julie said...

Hey Peas,

Was in Jhb last week and bought your book at long last - really enjoyed it!

Re holidays - come visit us here in Bahrain - seriously :) - the guest room is waiting.