Tuesday, February 24, 2009

mitchell & live yoghurt

Moments of escapism – like real moments where you’re drawn into a different world – are hard to come by, let’s face it. When you just need a time out for 2 minutes and don’t have time to leave your office, nevermind your desk.
You’re barking orders to people, fixing paper jams, talking geekery to someone, not getting pissed off that the bloody Oscars have taken precedent over the prime Monday slot that is Grey’s Anatomy. So what keeps you sane?

I’ll tell you where I throw myself. And it’s not over a balcony.

It’s here:

1) Google maps. With streetview. I can visit the south of France whenever I like and pretend I’m there, simple by dragging the little yellow man above the zoom toggle onto the road I wish to walk down.
So yesterday, I revisited a town in the Langue’doc Rousillon. I went to Aniane ten years ago, and it was gorgeous. So I went back specifically to eye out people’s drying laundry:
And also check out the vibe, stopping off for un latte at the café at the end of a street. (I sat with my coffee at my desk. It’s almost the same thing. Especially if you’re listening to Edith Piaf at the same time.)
Tomorrow I’ll go to New York.

2) News articles about Nine Year Olds Writing Dating Books. Go guy! Smash her in your face.

3) Almost book a flight to Siberia. Or to Stanley, Falkland Islands. Go to Expedia and map out the cheapest way to get somewhere, hassle-factor not included. For instance, I found out that Dove and I could get to Berlin for R2000 less if we flew to Nairobi, then Cairo, then Dubai, then Frankfurt then Berlin.

It would take 4 days, but whatever.

4) Watch your pro-biotic yoghurt. Actively observe. Does it move? Because it should.
With all those live bacterium culture thingies packed in there solely to keep you regular. If you have a microscope even better. Otherwise just watch it. And let me know if yours moves.

5) Phone SARS. For a chat. They will be confused, and also possibly put a red flag your tax number, but whatever. When Doris answers and asks you what you require, just say, ‘Doris, hi. So here’s the thing. I bought a red dress in Rio, and then I saw one for half price at the YDE sale and was thinking of getting it, but then I already have a red dress, so I was thinking: what would you do?’

6) Shnarf your coffee. Just kidding. Nose-channeling coffee isn’t a joke.

7) Do a pilates roll up under your desk. The end result is your poen in the air, head on the floor, and you’ve got to exhale on the way up to work your “core transverse muscle.”

8) Close your eyes and imagine Stuart Townsend naked in between your 200 PLUS threadcount sheet and Moulin Rouge Range duvet cover.

9) Stick ‘Drunk Russian miner dude’ into your YouTube browser and search it.
If that fails to entertain, watch a silent disco.

10) Think about the economic recession. Then don’t. Because you’ll panic. Quickly revert to hair recession. Which us chicks don’t get.

Or just email Mitchell Baker (one of the power suits at Mozilla) and ask her if the hairstyle came before Firefox or did Firefox come before the hairstyle. (‘Are you the chicken or are you the egg?’)

Her email address is mitchell@mozilla.org. You want her at your next party, Dot Com A-Listers.


tyrone said...


I think she's hot.

Peas on Toast said...


She looks like good value dontcha think?

tyrone said...

Ja ja... Imagine what I could do with that hair!

tyrone said...

Think she talks dirty?

Peas on Toast said...

Tyrone - Depends.

She said: "We’ve also started new initiatives to promote innovation across the Mozilla world by providing a home and infrastructure for experimental work via Mozilla Labs."

Does that turn you on? ;~)

tyrone said...

Gajazus that's hot! I had to leave my computer for a while...

This part particularly: "home and infrastructure for experimental work"...


Peas on Toast said...

I know, it's smokin'!

hahahaha :)

Monkigirl said...

I'm going to be watching my yoghurt now. I think you've started a paranoia... If that shit so much as trembles...

Peas on Toast said...

hahahahaha Monkigirl - I hear you! I'm waiting for something to jump out - like watching fish in a pond.

Somebody pass me a microscope!

Let me know if you see anything :)

Revolving Credit said...

A 9 year old write a dating book?
What's that like a Lonely Planet for pediophiles??

Rambler said...

I think nose-channelling coffee is a fabulous idea... Far simpler than getting up from my desk to brew it. In fact, I'd prefer to have it dripping into my veins intravenously.

Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

@ Revo > Jeeez dude!

Now excuse me, I'm going to have a look through that guy's window on the left.

(google does know everything. *shudder*)

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - something tells me it would sell something CHRONIC in Belgium ;)

Rambler - I'm onto ym second cappuccino, and although intra-venous coffee is a fabulous idea, there's nothing like the TASTE of that foam and sunday....yummmmy. :)

PS: Let me know if you schnarf it, I wanna know how it is! :)

Dolce - hahaha. I dropped the little man in South Dakota just now. Not much to see though. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Isn't Mitchell a guys name??
Is Mitchell a transgender fox?

Doesn't Firefox sound like an escort alias?
ie. Hot redhead with a dose of the clap?

Peas on Toast said...

Revvie - It does sound like a dude's name for sure.

But then I met a girl the other day called Kevin.

Revolving Credit said...

Hey, on the plus side, Mitchells is also a brewery.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - and it's also a city in South Dakota. Just went to visit it :)

Revolving Credit said...

Was it a foxy city?

Peas on Toast said...

Has a highway and a Taco Bell...please can I live there.


kyknoord said...

Cool. Two bad hair days in one. That must have been the original inspiration for tabbed browsing.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - hahah exactly. But again, do you reckon tabbed browsing came bfore the duo-hairdo or vice versa?

All this chicken/egg stuff has left me bewildered ;)