Monday, March 23, 2009

hens parties, free state countryside & a wee bit of fun

Stick a fork. In me.

These nuptials are always fun, let's be honest. Wedding on Friday out there by Sterkfontein Caves. Hairy drive home, especially since my phone died, and had I broken down, well, who knows where my body be right now.

Saturday was up at the crack of dawn, sorting out last minute things for E’s hens.

We did an Amazing Race all the way down to Viljoenskroon, where a bunch of us girls wwould be partying it up on Poen’s farm.

Dressed the bride-to-be in this horrendous, appalling, peach satin emsemble, replete with sponges hanging off her backside to create a domestic air about the scene.
Made her carry around a pink polka dot broom and wear slippers. Luckily the high streets on Parys and Viljoenskroon find this rather dashing.

We had clues and things to collect all the way down there, with 6 teams.

Some of the tasks were:
1) buy condoms from a petrol station, blow them up, and attach them to your car.
(We got the performance enhancer ones, where the lube is meant to numb the appendage slightly. Couldn’t feel my lips for an hour.)

2) Sing a song to the lady at the vetkoek shop for the next clue

3) Blindfold each other and attempt to put make up on each other - messy.

4) Find clues hidden in each car and across the Free State countryside, do stupid things in the cosmos in the fields on the side of the road

5) Poledance around the Viljoenskroon road sign.

Loved the make-up-blindfold vibe, was particularly awesome – what with blue eyeshadow and red lipstick all over the faces of 22 girls – a sight for sore eyes I’m sure. All dressed like cowgirls and causing a scene.

Had E stand on the bar counter of The Thirsty Camel, Parys’ solution to nightlife. She had to get the local dudes to eat the sweets off her sweet bracelets – but didn’t get much choice, what with the dribbling retard in the corner, the weird barman and some other dude whose year she made, who came to wave us off on the road.

Back at the ranch, we had Fitzy’s (E’s drink. Vodka, cola tonic and water) until they came out of our ears, got onto a truck filled with hay bales and headed out to the mielie fields to have some champagne and salmon pate in this gorgeous super-colonial setting that is a Free State farm.

Then we went bosbefok, drank Jaeger’s, fined E for getting married basically, (it’s so nice to have her here. Living in Egypt and all, I miss my friend.) We did all the kinky hen’s party games, and.
I found a stray cat and adopted it.


These impulsive piano purchases and cat adoptions really have to stop.

There he was, a tiny orange cat, and I thought maybe trying to actually bond with a feline to see if I gel with such creatures would be a good idea.
Well after bonding, we checked to see if he was a dude, I decided on Dennis. Because he wasn’t an Imogen.

I was Slim Shadying with Dennis, a ginga kitty. I didn’t want a ginga pussy; but he found me and when I get back from Berlin, I’m going to collect it.

Dontcha love the name Dennis for a cat because it’s so arb? Sure, he’s a ginga, but have to look past that, as he’s super affectionate. He purrs like a muthafucka, sits on my laps and just chills. He’s a chilled pussy.

Christ I can’t believe I am going to have a ginga pussy. Not my first choice colour-wise, but Dennis really is a beeyoot. Maybe he’ll let me dye him purple.

So he will stay at the farm until he can come home with me, basically.

So all in all, a successful hen’s do. I think E had a blast, we all certainly did. What a total laugh. Hen’s parties really are a gas.

Hurt my arm. Not sure how. Big bruise.


Nessers said...

Word from the wise (me) - all ginger cats are male - its just one of those weird facts I have floating round my head

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - that's what someone said, I remember now! What's with that - you saying most males are gingas? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Ginga pussy? Niknaks?

Monkigirl said...

Small world. My fiance and his gang of hooligans were in Parys for his bachelor's this weekend.

Oh and I have a female ginger kitten. I was surprised, and so was the vet.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - fanta pants ;)

Monki - serious?? We were just saying that Prays probably doesn't know whats hit it, and don't really cater for such events - who knew hey? We didn't see your bachelors, but what fun if we'd hit the same bar!

Revolving Credit said...

I meant why not call the cat Niknak?

Peas on Toast said...

I've been quite focused on Dennis Rev, can't lie. But as a second name, it's done! (Was going to have second name as Myles - but NikNak it is!)
Wanna be a godfather?

Monkigirl said...

Parys is a regular spot for Bachelor weekends amongst our friends. Usually because they do white water rafting or whatever on the Vaal nearby. You would've known all about it if you met up with their party ;-) They took over one of the local spots as well, had the locals gaping in fascinated horror.

Peas on Toast said...

monki - had the locals gaping in fascinated horror.

That sounds familiar :) They all thought we were absolutely bonkers, Not half wrong, let's be honest :)

Pity we didn't bump into them, that would've been a spectacular fusion of boy crazy meets girl crazy! :)

frozen-heart said...

hey peas :) glad you made it out alive chicka! be darned good to see some make-up faces and the ' ooh check ouens she are pole dancing ' ;) or is your blog more on the anonymoose vibe, altho hey we have seen your shoes .. see the thing is i am still kinda new to you but yah! the day i found this bit in the fairlady maggi that pointed me in your direc-shine :) eh! .. so the pussy did find you? i am sat here wishing a 'rooster' would find me ... nudge nudge ;) ;) say no more

Peas on Toast said...

frozen - ahaha, some cock eh? ;) I have a fake cock if you need any recommendations :) (Also a fake dolphin which is very very very nice ;)

Bless, and thanks to Fair Lady for pointing you here! Yip I don't put pics of my face and whatnot on here, but backs of heads, sponges, shoes - definitely ;)

icepick said...

Oi! Im half ginger!
Oh and nessers, apart from your weird fact, I was told ginger cats have the biggest nads.
Perhaps they work hand-in-hand. Therefore must be fact.

PS Peas. bless us for making it into the blog award finalists. haha Im proud to be apart of the 200+

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - :) You and Dennis should get on like a house on fire, then! :)

Biggest nads hey? Yummmy!


icepick said...

haha ye its a fact based purely on this tiger of a ginger cat that roams around my apartment block. He has monster nads. Some days i think he quite simply lacks energy to tug them about, prefering to just drag the end of his body up and down the block.

Whiskers gets them going tho. What u gona feed Dennis?

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - seriously? Cos at one point - might've been the Jaeger - we were all wondering if Dennis was in fact a Denise.

If so, he would've been called Imogen.

His nads were...seemingly of average size, but then I'm not a cat testicle expert myself ;)

I'm gonna be spending a shitload on him though - he needs to be de-nadded, hacve his inoculations and be de-flead (what with runnign around a farm catching rats).

Also need to buy him all the scratch posts and Science Diet stuff (Whiskas you say?). Also a few manuels. Never had a cat before and have no idea where to start!

frozen-heart said...

cockadoodle doo! hey peas, i have my own little stash of fakey phallics ;) 2 hunks i call Mr Blue an Co. a luke skywalker cause babey! he glows in the dark - oooh yes oooh aaaah the force is with me! hmm lemme think a see-thru kinda one with twirly beads and shit and it had what looks like a little gremlin on-top much like the very very nice dolphin, cept in a moment of madness, i cut him off with a scizza and ruined the whole damn thing! oh well! then i have some magic beads and a vibey egg (useless fuggin thing) much durex stuff but you know what, i think i have just said too much... an no i dont work for adult world.

just sometimes this alone woman wishes on a rooster for nothing beats the real mc'coy..

oh and feeding Dennis, try the Royal Canine stuff off the vet, my once upon a time adopted me cat loved the stuff until the jack russels came to stay and she ducked off.
slighty more spensive but feeding amount way less and too less furballs, that lovely treat they cough up for you ;)
OMG! i just got a text off my garage - 'be the first to experience the new golf 6' my g'5 babey only has 6500 on her clock, i did say clock, she is too new to swop for another :(
best i go for a lay ... down now and dream of a sponge ;)

frozen-heart said...

sorry my comments are so long!
i have sommat of a misguided head at times ...

Craig said...

"(We got the performance enhancer ones, where the lube is meant to numb the appendage slightly. Couldn’t feel my lips for an hour.)" <-- ROFL!!! You had me in a fit of giggles I tell you! :)

kyknoord said...

Big bruise you say? Sounds like a classic UDI: Unidentified Drinking Injury.

Miss T said...

awh cute man a little dennis the menace :)...hey i once had a cat called horse (long story) so dennis is way better

Peas on Toast said...

frozen - you make me laugh! Thanks for the update my dear, and glad you have some toys to keep you busy! ;) Yip, never the same as the real thing, but always a nice 'filler-in' (oh my gaaaad) for when a real one isn't around for the party :)

Craig - you should try it, no jokes, the numbing isn't a joke! ;)

Kyk - and you're right on the money :)

Miss T - Horse? You gotta tell me that story my girl!