Tuesday, March 24, 2009

i can actually remember most of it

I’m on a definite high at the moment – not literally, that would shweet – but am still bouncing around from the weekend, greatly anticipating getting to Cape Town on Wednesday night for more festivities.

Some of us are packing into our Cape Town flat, always festive, because location-wise it’s pretty much on Kloof Street.

On Cape Town, I’m rather fucking amped with my varsity. They’ve put my book in their library.
Now that’s fucking cool, not to mention completely unexpected, let’s be honest.

UCT, it may not be the literary work of Hemingway (but when would Hemingway talk about sex, dildo’s and relationships anyway? That wasn’t his bag. Hell, could be wrong. Maybe he did after a few whiskeys, but you get my point), but UCT – I love you.
What, pray, will my book teach your students? (Maybe what’s in store for when they leave?) The whole idea makes me giggle like Soli Philander on a papsak.

Of course, UCT gave me more than just an edumacashun. It introduced me to soft recreational activities and stimulants, breaking into public pools and skinny dipping, or just running into Camps Bay naked during a 21st tour bus party.

It gave me grand exposure to arts students, history, literature and ideas.

I studied an Arts degree, so most of my classes were girls, with a small handful of dudes who all hippied it up something chronic, or otherwise had interesting hair.

One dude wore a dress sometimes.

I sat behind him in an exam once. He was chilled.

It gave me res food and Budget Rolls. Those minging things you’d get for lunch with the tokens your res gave you. Chicken mayo, always with a pinch of fly.

It gave me dental procedures.

It gave me the ability to stumble back from Barney’s, a drinking hole in Rondebosch, after an exam, punished on Crackling and/or R2 tequila shots, where me and a mate decided to zyphe the red and white traffic tape running along the side of a ditch.

We stole 3000 metres of the stuff.

We thought we were the fucken champions of the decade.
And we were, quite frankly.
We dragged this bundle of tape, and a stray cone, back to the boys res that faced us, and dumped it in a mate’s room.
Giggling and pissed we thought it would make a very nice beanbag for his quarters.
And the cone, an excellent hat.

It, however, got stuck between the first and seventh floor, due to the two rotating doors and dodgy lift. So for weeks later, there was this tape, going up and down in that lift, stuck in the gap and in the rotating doors.

We were the Legends Of The Tape.

It gave me lectures that were flexible enough that I could sort my timetable around my beach time. So for one year, I had no Friday lectures – and I’d chill with the rest of the BA’s on Clifton, tanning my rear end.

It gave me Sunday evenings at La Med.

It gave me the beauties of student living. Where inflatable furniture made up most of the seating arrangements in our living room.
Where my car wouldn’t start when it was raining.
Where if someone ate someone else’s peanut butter, it was a big deal.
Where digs parties and braais left the aftermath of visible debauchery in its wake, with passed out humans and alcoholic detritus strewn about the place, some comprising naked strangers.

It gave me Romano, the dude who was painting our digs. Who turned out to be an escapee from Valkenberg Mental Hospital. And would rock up, fucked on meths that he’d soaked through bread to scream at us or otherwise use our outdoor toilet.

(He did that once. He broke into the garden, and fully just chilled out in the back yard shitter. Until we found him and had to call Valkenberg. Again.)

Stealing roadsigns in the dead of night, which would later be used for general house décor.

Writing essays to deadlines, filming short films, scraping money together for a Jammie Shuttle, waitressing and dropping two drinks on a dude’s crotch twice in 20 minutes, teaching hyperactive kiddie spawn French at the Montessori School, doing crazy ass no-responsibility working at ski resorts, backpacking around Mozambique and endless parties.

It gave me the most beautiful city to study in.

It gave me some pretty darn awesome mates.

It gave me varsity old faithfuls, like selling rag magazines, 21st’s and formals. Sax Appealgate aside – selling rag magazines where we all passed out in someone’s boot on the lot the cathedral on the corner of Roeland Street, and Jeremy Maggs wouldn’t buy one from us.
In my year, it had a nude centrefold of Thabo Mbeki, if I remember correctly.


So although it is le pique of controversy at the moment, hey, I had a great time. Running around like a hooligan and stuffing it into people’s car windows. I wore a satin dressing gown with condoms printed all over it, and didn’t batter an eyelid.

Whatever. Those were the days, and I do realise how unbelievably lucky I was to have had them. So thanks, UCT.

It must be said though – that Monday evenings do leave me on a high as well. Seriously.
For one, Monday, the day, is over. It’s Idols and Grey’s, it’s the night I get to have Peas Alone time, a long hot soak, and other sundry.

From now on, I’m claiming Monday. Unless Prince William is getting married, and I crack an invite, and it happens to be on a Monday, Mondays are my nights.
My non-event, ‘let’s-listen-to-horrendous-music-that-only-I’m-subjected-to’ night.


po said...

Wee, what a cool post Peas, I too went to UCT, but I hung out on the other end of campus with the science nerds.

Those budget rolls ruled, I remember the one guy owned a Husky? And while I wasn't as much of a party animal as you, I had a blast. There always seemed to be so much nudity going on at UCT.

Anonymous said...

For a number of reasons I've gone the distance education route, and while it's worked out well for me, after reading things like this I can't help feel that I've seriously missed out on something... Even just the chance to learn more about the city I adopted 4 years ago!

Peas on Toast said...

po - oooh science nerds! I've always had a thing for SCIENCE NERDS! :)

Those budget rolls turned our stomachs into cast iron pots, so that we can always be thankful for eh? ;)
And nudity - what exhibitionists we were!

Quartercentury - ah skat, I was discussing different tertiary routes with someone the other day. The whole 'but we had the BEST time!' is nonsense, because how would we know? Maybe your time was better than ours for different reasons, maybe your varisty did stuff ours didn't and vice versa. Each experience after school is unique - and frankly, it's what we make of it. Besides, you get the mouwwwwnnnntain every day now right? ;)

Anonymous said...

Peas, I had totally forgotten about the tape and the psycho painter - he loved you!

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - next time I'm in kloof, I want the name of your contact! :)

Pamela - he LOVED YOU! :)
'I was there then he was there then nobdy was there'
hahaha :)

Anonymous said...

And now UCT gives you the world's most boring Alumni magazine and a steady stream of appeals for money. Bluh! Sometimes becoming an adult blows.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - correct! Aren't we lucky! :)

I get the LAW Alumni magazine now. They mixed me up with some other tosspot, so I get to read about how great their lawyers are instead of what's going down in their equally as interesting, arts community.

Wanna swap? The engineering one must be THRILLING.

Ash said...

PEAS!! OMFG your book is AMAZING! I think I was meant to read it for some freaky reason - not only because its so well written but because its helping me so much! It fate I tell you! Im at UCT, studying film and media - YES THE SAME AS YOU- and was at the ct airport waiting for my flight back to jo'burg which was five hours delayed. (I dont normally read books, or should I rather say... I dont normally FINISH reading books even when I try; so take it as a compliment!) Anyway, I was left with nothing to do for five hours so I walked into the exclusive books - judged your book by its cover - eventhough Im not a fan for peas, I liked it and saw you were from UCT, loved a good jolly jol, is a heel freak fan like me, Is also a "typical jo'burg girl who works hard, plays hard and leaves a trail of destruction in my wake!" and is trying to overcome major EX issues - SO i bought it with the little amount of student first year money I had left -hoping that I wouldnt regret it seeing as R138 can get me 69 R2 tequila shots at barneys. (I would chose your book over 1000 tequila shots)! I came to UCT this year to be with my bofriend who I dated for over three years - he was here already and the distance was getting too much so UCT it is! ;) Im in Carinus Res - which res were you in by the way? Mhhh Im guessing Baxter or Tugwell? Anyway we broke up- WORST BREAK UP EVER!!- I, myself, could write a book about it. (Mhh.. maybe in the future!) Anyway, Im here now - see him everyday, we dont even say hello to eachother. Im not over him, I miss him so much to the extend that everytime I drink myself silly I get emotional and start crying... most nights. To watch him with other girls breaks me into a million little pieces and I HATE being single. So without your book Peas, I would still be hopeless fragile and out right tear-jerking pathetic. I can relate to you in every way. Your book is my bible, yup - "MUSHY PEAS ON TOAST" you are my life saver - Im only on page 166, and have an essay due for tomorrow <2000 words> but feel no guilt for the fact that I actually cant write any form of essay right now because finishing your book is TOP priority!

I just thought I should take a peak at your blog and let you know that you are oficially my hero! I love you peas and Im sorry UCT- I missed lectures today because I ended up going to bed at 4am; reading about your break up with Randy. I now know that there is AT LAST someone out there that is / has gone through the same "pooh" and sometimes feels the same!
A drink to that! :) Thank you!

ps: My project is "Fake it 'til you make it" ...for now. I need some sexy Cape ass ASAP! xxx

Peas on Toast said...

Ash, oh my greatness! You're a PEACH!
I've got various messages and emails about my book, but that was pure entertainment, and such a compliment as well - thanks so much my girl! Wghat compliments, I'm blushing, I'm on fire, I'm bustring into flames over here!

First things first - I was a tampon tower resident, 9th floor china. Fully! ;) And good luck for your essay tomorrow - fuckkkk do I remember those, and we'd have 8 essays to hand in on one day and then nothing for like 3 months. They do it to test you and your remarkable time management skills! :)

Enjoy every moment at UCT. I really do miss it today, writing the post made me super nostalgic. And sorry to hear about your break up. First love is never easy, it does leave a mark. Three years later (I wrote it at 25), I have my finger firmly pressed on the 'control' button, however it wasn't easy. It was downright shit at times. The good news is - it becomes a HELLUVA lot easier. Time is a good rememdy, but also with repeated dating debacles. Now, I know a good thing when I see it and I know a bad thing pretty early on too.

Please have 8000 tequila shots at R2/tot as soon as you hand in the dreaded essay. I wish I could be back there, even for just one day, to imbibe all of that awesomeness that was varsity.

PS: On missing lectures - is that photocopier room still going strong next to the library? ;)

You're a peach. A PEACH.

Anonymous said...

Aaaaaaah. The old U of CT. Belter years. What little I can remember of them.

Eish. My liver squeals aches just thinking about it.

Peas on Toast said...

Dolce - yeah that papsak does have a nasty habit of reliving its memory in the mouth as well as the head, knowwhadimean? ;)

Ash said...

haha, thanks peas! I realized you wrote the book a while back and so I cant wait to look back and say Fuccck three years ago, when I cried over that tosser of a penis, soooo OVER THAAAT! :)
The photocopier room - I only discovered the bloody room a week ago- and when I walked in there I could bearly move or speak. It was worse than a club, I swear. Jam packed with the noise of twenty photocopier machines at once - NIGHTMARE!! Ahhh the good old tampon towers - have a few mates in there, the lift stopped working for a week - you can really notice the toning in their asses. They not on the 9th floor though! Carinus is out in the STICKS, but having the time of my life. Anyway I really enjoyed reading your post about UCT - Smiled like a little kid in a toyshop. Already broke into the pool to skinny dip, never having crackeling again - YES... I would like to say I remember why I wont have next time, but I cant... thats the problem!! We've stolen so many street posters - mainly ANC posters - its actually freakish! Anyway I will STOP leaving looong messages now and attempt to write my KILLEER essay. Thanks again peas! Ive marked so many pages in your book that I want to go back and read - Its just MAGICAL to say the least.
Enjoy JO'BURG! I miss it... sort of. xxx

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Congrats on your nominations in the SA Blog Awards! Whoop-whoop... I'm sending you my medical bill... my finger is officially sprained from voting ;-)

Oh and silly me...did I really think I could take a break from blogging?
Hmmm... Apparently not. I'm back :-) xxx

frozen-heart said...

peas, i did see you with mine own eyes thanks to boobtoob know how i mean .. dont call me i'll call you ;) reading the bit that starts with an intro and then the world coming to an end with randy getting tonsilitis .. i have yet to read your book but assured, before too long i will :)
anyhows i am just in to say kiff blog today, me? i never did varsity, stuffed my teddy bear in my rucksack and went to live in the middle east instead .. silly girl. no regrets innit? ag fuck whatever!

Peas on Toast said...

Ash - the erason I asked for the photocopier place, is because you need to make mates with the brainiest kid in your lecture (the ones you missed), and borrow his/her notes :)
Carinus is in the sticks, but it's definitely not the worst res to be in from what I know. There are some pretty dodge ones in Mowbray if I remember correctly. Good luck with the essay! xx

Blondie - OH YAY BABE! You're back, does this mean back back, like you're going to carry on writing? I've missed your already so if it means you're back I'm SUPER stoked! :) And thanks for voting my friend - you're such a star. mwah mwah mwah xxx

frozen - I think that's flippen awesome you stuffed a rucksack and headed off to the middle east! Well done you! That takes bravery and an-off-the-beaten-path adventurer, and you can't possibly compare experiences of varisty and that - both are so special in their own ways. Very brave girl you are! :) xx

frozen-heart said...

aww peas! you always say the darndest of things :D < biig Grin
ta x