Thursday, March 19, 2009

the law

So there’s Murphy’s Law right. (Named after a Capt. Edward A. Murphy, in case you wanna know who to blame when shit goes wrong), like when you’ve just got your car all waxed and shined for an all important girls weekend, and a thunderstorm the size of Napoleon’s ego, rains down on it and messes it up.

Murphy dictates that when you get your car washed, it’ll rain the next day.

Looked like a tornado was headed our way last night. The skies blackened, and Independence Day, the movie, suddenly wasn’t a movie anymore. Goodbye nicely shined car.

But whatever, that’s small fry. Murphy didn’t quite make it to the iPhone era, but modern technology means that about ten Murphy’s Laws happen a day now, not just one like the rain, or when you’re carrying 7 bags, your nose will itch.

Alanis and Murphy should’ve been lovers. What with her ten thousand spoons when all she needed was a knife.

Today, modern tech crises go down all the time, just because it will. Which means more fun time for the Captain D’el Shit Out Of Luck, and less fun time for you.

- The lady at Engen takes your card, she swipes, and then as she asks ‘Cheque or savings?’ or as you’re about to punch in your PIN, your mate from Australia phones, and you have to delve through keys, sunglasses, iPod, tissues, undeterminable papers and other arb flotsam to get to your ringing phone. Five seconds later it would’ve been fine, but as you’re in the middle of your transaction it happens.

- Same goes for ATMs.

- A shitstorm is raining down on your head at work, stress levels are soaring, amongst the chaotic furore around you, you’re briefly considering another Vitamin B shot even if it’s in the rear, phones are ringing, you have a deadline, your computer crashes, you lose all your work, people need a favour, people are pinging you left right and centre, your Skype message says ‘No Entry’ and yet people are wanting to chat. The bank is phoning you with their usual ‘buy another fucking credit card’ crap, and you don’t have a moment to eat.

- On the flipside, it’s a slow day, you’ve done your work, you’re pottering around, cleaning your desk, and the office is quiet, there are no paper jams, and no one is online, the phone is silent. Nothing big happening on sensational news sites either. So when I actually have time to talk, nothing’s going on.

- Then suddenly the work builds up to a crescendo again, leaving you sweating, and an old mate pings you. ‘Wwassup, are you busy? Have you seen this crazy website…’

- Your leg falls off, and you would be standing in Chad. Where, I believe, there are no aerials.

- You’ll buy the plasma screen the day before it goes on sale.

Maybe Murphy was a cranky old bastard, because he only seemed to dictate that stuff would go pear. And not the other way round. Like, imagine if it actually rained a day before you get the car washed. Imagine that actually happening.

So he didn’t seem to have much to say about something actually might go right.

He just didn’t have Wikipedia around to show him how to get it.
Turns out there’s this whole big philosophy around Luck and what it is, or even if it even is.

While gripped in concentration, and while reading this article explaining 'happenings beyond a person’s control,' (definition of Luck: (n)luk), I got pinged twice, and phoned twice. Not before or after, during.

Which begs the question: what is the real differentiator between luck, irony and coincidence?
(A free ride when you’ve already paid could be a coincidence if the person behind you also got a free ride and already paid. Ha!)


Monkigirl said...

Brilliant post today! Very entertaining. Not at all like a black fly in my Chardonnay ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Monkigirl! And yes, Alanis should've taken out the black fly with a spoon. Five second rule! :)

frozen-heart said...

peas, i have my car valeted < sheesh this spelling looks wrong... anyways to continue the thought> it will thunderbolts & lightning not the next day but hey! the very same day with me! plus when i fetch my kidaroo at school he will trod a bucket load of mud onto the passenger mat.. on our way home a pothole meeting (oh YaY!) will array a splash of rain water, stones, grit and muck all along one side(i know, i know.. our local munkeypality in swellendump is busy with emergency repairs ;) ) should i mention too that i canno have the wheel realigned in this town? ag no i won't... for isn't it too
the way Alanis did say > "You live you learn, you love you learn, You cry you learn, you lose you learn, You bleed you learn, you scream you learn"

can you hear me screaming?

icepick said...

Ye I agree kick ass post :)

Its quite funny, but I believe it was the Braniac Team(or was it Mythbusters?) that actually took the time(had the time) to test whether or not the 5 second rule is a reasonable amount of time before food gets spoilt.hehe. Tests were obvious.

Regarding luck, coincidence and irony,
Isnt it that all 3 can occur at anytime, but noticing it or acknowledging it, is the actual issue?
ie measured by how meaningful they are to one...

Revolving Credit said...

It seems like your phone appears in all these scenarios...did you say it's an iPhone?...are they unlucky?...looks like Murphy's not an Apple guy..maybe you need a horseshoe or 4 leaf clover screensaver?

Peas on Toast said...

frozen - I can hear you screaming babe, I certainly can! Yeah that's Murphy alright, lying bored in his grave and thinking 'I know I'll pile a whole bunch of shit onto this person's car because...well why not?'
Am sorry :(

icepick - Thanks guy :) 5 second rule is a reasonable amount of time before food gets spoilt.hehe. Tests were obvious. - Wait wait, not that obvious! I wanna know - is 5 seconds too long? Or does it depend where the food fell? Give me the results! :)

Rev - nope don't have an iPhone, have a Blackberry - which I think I might even prefer...:) A four leaf clover/irish ringtone is a definite consideration!

Revolving Credit said...

You need something that sounds a Pinkberry?

Peas on Toast said...

Yes! I agree! :) Those ones are shweeeet, pink technology - you just can't wrong :)
Upi offering Rev? (hawhawhaw!)

icepick said...

It was Mythbusters!

They say that the average kitchen floor, or street, or anything publicly accessible, is rather bacterial cluttered(E-coli n shit).

..And no matter how many seconds one allows, just a split second touch is enough to do as much damage as 4 seconds will.

"The moisture, surface geometry and the location the food item was dropped on does however affect the number of bacteria"

icepick said...

deja vu

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - haha, brilliant1 So yes it does matter I guess if you're eating a sarmie you drop in a public urinal, as opposed to eating a sarmie you dropped in a quarantined bio-dowm, say.

So it's more like 'split-second' rule?

Revolving Credit said...

Would using voicemail more often improve your luck?

Anonymous said...

Peas, 5 second rule or not, the person that eats the sarmie they dropped in a public urinal deserves all the E-coli they get!

I tend to stick to the 5 second rule at home only. I figure at least I'll be picking up my own germs, not someone else's...

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - voicemail stresses me out something epic. By the time I have the time to listen to it, there are 5 sitting there. Which takes up MORE time.

Quarter - absolutely! (interesting...I wonder if anyone has ever done that...eaten a zarm in a urinal...) but I agree - if it drops on my floor, they're my germs!

Revolving Credit said...

It sounds like trying to talk on the phone with all this shit is going on is the stress and the root of your bad luck. Get a car kit, then listen to and all return calls while you drive.

Miss T said...

The problem here is it is ALWAYS raining so when do I wash my car? :)

Revolving Credit said...

PS. If you get a dog, if it drops on the floor it's the dogs germs or the germs of the other dog whose crack yoru dog recently sniffed/stuck it's nose in.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I save myself the 5 minutes of 'Y'ello you have...7 new voicemail messages. First message. 9:05 am. and and and.' And just phoen people directly back :)
On the dog - you're absolutely right of course. 5 second rule would no longer apply!

Miss T - haha, sorry my love, I can only imagine - perhaps it needs it's own personal raincoat/puffer? ;)

Revolving Credit said...


You just poen people directly back..hhaha

Peas on Toast said...

whoops :) ha ha