Wednesday, March 18, 2009

basic


...shit I discovered yesterday.

Never underestimate underground parkades that catacomb into more underground parkades. It’s scary and faceless down there. But getting lost amongst a sub-terrarium of cars is another movie altogether.

Japanese porn music.
Yes there is such a thing. This chick fully gets off on her washing machine. Novel. And must be done.

Side fringe thingies.
Look, I’m very conservative with my hair. I don’t do drastic shit with the hair. Tentative to bust out in purple streaks is one thing; I’m scared to do anything with it. I’m scared of style. Period.

Hair like mine takes longer to grow than Hef’s pecker before Viagra. And unfortunately long-lasting mistakes when shit goes wrong with the scissors, can result in instant bi-polar disorder. Once I dyed a ridge of yellow down my scalp at varsity and performed like a diva. It was a bad day for all involved.

But change is as good as a holiday. And with The Dove’s encouragement, I got a side fringe thingie. Hesitated at her advice, but succumbed. She’s rather over-the-top excited I did it, even if we can’t hire bikes in Amsterdam unless I wear an alice band because I’ll kill someone.

It’s not a fringe – not a fan of those – it’s a side thingie, that also now doubles up as a venetian blind. Directly over my right eyeball.

Which I now cannot see out of, even if my hair is all sleek and shaggy (it got the full treatment), and looks very ‘Mustang Sally’ in the wind. Can’t see for shit. Seriously.
Reversing out of the aforementioned parkade in the dark with this curtain over my right eye was an, erm, hairy experience for all pedestrians involved.

But it does look particularly good with Ray Bans, even if you can only see one lens.

Not eating wheat or lactose is starting to work As is that detrimentally-administered Vitamin B shot.
I feel like I drank three Red Bulls yesterday. All day long. Getting out of bed at 6:30am isn’t the biggest hassle on the planet. Who knew?

Now, I don’t do diets. Because the more you think about not eating, the more you stuff your pie hole. At least in my experience. Besides, food is one of life’s greatest pleasures that should be celebrated, quite fucking frankly.

So if I do a reassessment of what I smash in my face, I simply cut down on some shit when I feel like the muffintops are starting to cause me elevated emotional discomfort. Or like in two weeks time, I have to parade down an aisle as a bridesmaid. One usually wants to look quasi-decent for such an affair.

The trick is to cut down on some stuff, but not everything. Because that just makes for a miserable existence. So no wheat or dairy for a while.

Which leaves me with a diet of sushi and one square of that dark chocolate a day. (For good fucking measure. Christ. I’m only human). It’s been three days and I’m feeling like a million bucks.
When I get to Germany, I’m thinking this may have to come to an abrupt halt, what with cuisine consisting schnitzel and beer.

One of my top 3 places to travel to is now an actual consideration. Is Japan really that expensive to visit? Heard it’s the most expensive place to holiday on Earth, even after the UK. If I was exploring that possibility, say? Always wanted to go there. I did the West last Christmas, so I’m gunning for a bit of Oriental this year.

God I love the word ‘uppity.’ John got a bit uppity when I called him a crack head..

I won’t drive a yellow car. It’s a deeply-stemmed childhood incident dating way back when, due to Dad’s choice in cars. Will elaborate on. One day.

Wine is fruit. Therefore part of said eating regime. And can be enjoyed in the bath.
(This is not a new discovery. But is worth a mention)

Seriously. Getting off on a washing machine. Alone or with assistance. I’ve done some, erm, adventurous things with domestic appliances in my humble life – but never with a Defy. Crikey, my counter is in the way. But that can be arranged. Anyone tried it before?

22 comments:

Beavercreek Community said...

washing machine? with a friend. maybe... not sayin... it's not kinky unless you're INSIDE, right?

daisyfae said...

oh, that was me... damn blogger defaulting to my theater persona...

Peas on Toast said...

Beavercreek CVommunity eh Daisy? I like it my girl, now THAT sounds Kinky :) Would they care to join me on my Defy?? Juuuuust kidding! :)

frozen-heart said...

i reckon i would need that straight jacket after long frustrated un-orgasmic straddles on a washing machine ...
it has been known to shoosh my babey-boy to sleep tho in his snuggly chair ...

Peas on Toast said...

frozen-heart - aw thats not so frozen at all - bless! ;)

I had a pet chicken once. Who used to dig sitting on itwith his feet in the air when it was on spin dry. Would also go to sleep. Was quite a picture.

iamdebbiedeb said...

japan is expensive-
you just have to know what to do, and where to visit. tokyo is balddy expensive, osaka which i <3 more than tokyo is not so bad.

come to japan, you'll love it... its so fucked up. and the food is amazing.
and the shopping is to die for.

yes i live in japan!

Peas on Toast said...

debbideb - awesome thanks so much! :) You lucky little sushi fish - I'd love to live in Japan, even if it were for a short while :)
I want to see Tokyo if I had to chose, and climb Fuji :)

So best I start saving eh? ;)

Billy said...

Brilliant post. Canned myself.

frozen-heart said...

hahahahaha my head tends to think in song so this is what it said in it's own version of the aquabats >> "i was born out back, behind the chicken shack. i was raised in a cardboard box and before when I was single.. i used to hear the chicken jingle" it must have been the chicken of mushypea's ;)
i sang this too without picking my nose ;)
eh peas? a pet chicken .... tsk! way weird!
did you have it wear a nappy to prevent it from pooping all over your pad?

and you iamdebbiedeb - the song for you is an alphaville > debbie does 'big in japan' ;) big in japan tonight! i will wait here for my man tonight, it's easy when you're big in japaaaan ...

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - haha :)

frozen - he was the best pet ever. Used to peck the dog though, he totally ruled the garden - any intruders would be attacked by this huge white squuking chicken. He was a doll. Carried him around under my arm.

Hey I grew up in the Midlands - weird animal pets was the norm ;)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

As for trying the washer/dryer whatever ya call it...I will report back tomorrow...I intend to try that (with assistance) tonight with my no-strings-attached friend :-)
Niiice :-)

iamdebbiedeb said...

yup! pull in and sing karaoke- send me an email, i'll hook you up with a couch. osaka is amazing too, as is kyoto. too much of must sees...

frozen <3- big in japan indeed... wa haha!

Peas on Toast said...

debbie - I might just atke you up on that offer! :)

kyknoord said...

So you've gone for the emo hairstyle? O-o-okay. As long as you don't start cutting yourself and sobbing, "Nobody understands!"

icepick said...

A washing machine? Thats more common than teens tripping whilst running upstairs in American Slasher films!

How about something wack, like suspension! Or on a glass coffee table.
Better yet, in the boot of your car!

...

Whats wrong with the good old bed?

Peas on Toast said...

kyk - I've invested in a whole bunch of alice bands :)

icepick - I've done a bonnet and have a glass coffee table that's ALMOST as nice as the rug its on...but washign machine, that's YET to eb discovered :)

icepick said...

Okay well seeing as everyone here has seen your rug. wait.. that was wrong.
..Your fluffy carpet thing that you have under your glass coffee table...

Im sure we can all agree, that tops it.

Ive always wanted those hippy, 60's/70's carpets throughout my house. They look ever so confy for doing just about anytin on.

So why the fascination with a washing machine?

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - haha just that japaenese woman gave me the idea in the song :)

Hey there's a first time for everything I guess! xx

icepick said...

oops my bad. I ignored that paragraph on the video completely...

Looks overrated :) hehe

Peas on Toast said...

no worries icepick! It probably is :)

livingladolcevita said...

Seriously dude, where DO you find the time?

Peas on Toast said...

dolce - I'm a woman! :)