Monday, March 09, 2009

scary movie & boobs


So we helped out a mate who had an overstocked bar. We weren’t going to let much go to waste. Not on our clocks. Even managed to find some Brazilian Cachaca, the stuff that makes you want to wear a thong and samba at the same time.

However, small fry. On Saturday I settled in to watch a scary movie. I’m more of a comedy girl myself, but every now and then you want to push your own envelope and settle in for something that’s purposefully going to freak you the fuck out.

[Skydiving not an option.]

I watched one of the freakiest thriller movies ever – on good old MM2, something about twins and stigmata.

You know how it is: you sit there, eneveloped in a blanket, properly kakking myself. At first it's ok, then you look through your glass balcony doors, and the reflections are moving, and a shadow dots past the kitchen window.

You sit deeper into the couch, and start idly paging through the dish magazine to distract yourself from the scary shit on the tube.
The piano music starts, and you get up to make yourself a big cup of ‘pull your shit together, it’s just a movie.’

But then in the back of your head, you recall that it is always the obnoxious teenager in the movie who says to a mate, ‘It’s just a movie’, and a scythe comes plummeting down on his head from behind.

Eventually I could not stand the tension any longer. I was teetering on the edge of the couch, gripped with fear. Texted a mate: “Hey. Watching the scariest movie on the planet. Please just say something.”
My mate was eating dinner with a ‘table full of fossils,’ and while I read it, the one twin’s leg came off.

Properly shitting now, I put the washing machine on. Can’t look at the TV; can’t look away from the TV. Perhaps some domestic cleaning will dull my overactive imagination. By now I’m certain a ghost is watching me [in underwear and a t-shirt], through the glass of my balcony and is going to possess me or fly in through the window and knock shit off the coffee table.

Turn to the Wallpaper Guide To Prague – (fyi: it’s the sjoosjest guidebook out there, and I have a LOT of guidebooks. It only covers city-to-city, but it really appeals to the design element locked away in your very core, even if the only shapes you get excited are those in a geometry paper. It’s a great little guy)

But even Prague’s impressive architecture looked scary. You keep watching the clock to see how long the torture will go on for. But yet, you just cannot switch off and not know what happens in the end.

So. Am just saying, watching a scary movie alone on a dark night is scary, even though I’m 28 and not 7.

We had our first bridesmaids meeting for E’s wedding on Saturday, and went shopping for her hen’s party. I’d tell you the cool and kinky things I bought – what a gas - but then E might be reading (Hello darling), and that would just ruin the surprise, innit.

My boobs hurt.

Been like this a few days now, they ache and are super-sensitive to touch. Unless by immaculate conception, I assure you I'm not pregnant. Nor is Aunt Flo visiting/about to visit. It's different sensitive. And they've grown. Trust me, I've noticed - they fill more than a hand now.

Am I dying?

22 comments:

The Chantal said...

hah hah hah! you make me laugh, that "scary" movie was I Know Who Killed Me, with Lindsay Lohan, I PVR'd it and watched it last night, can't say I found it creepy or scary. You must watch Candyman in the dark on your own, or IT, dude I'd pay to watch you watching those.

Peas on Toast said...

Chantal - are you CARAYZEEEEE? SEriously, you didn't find it creepy? China, the colour blue has never been my favourite colour, but now! NOW! Crisis, I was fully PLATZING.

The scariest I've seen ever before is The Ring. That thing disturbed me beyond reasoning. OK...what is Candyman about. Would it kill me?

tyrone said...

Well hello Peas.

tyrone said...

;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Well hello Tyrone! :)

The Chantal said...

oh my lordy!!! you don't know Candyman?!!?!? hire it now! and watch it alone in the dark, it'll be awesome! Make sure you get the first Candyman film, it'll just be called "Candyman" it's an excellent film.

As for not liking blue, strangeeeeeee, most people like it and I think it's beautiful, but in the movie it was just annoying, like why must everything be blue, especially the part with the cat's collar, the mother had her thumb hooked in it for so long, like yeah we can see it's blue, duh, don't need to be so obvious but anyways, the blue glass knives etc were cool.

Well I hope you take my recommendation and I look forward to reading about your response to viewing the film :)

po said...

Is it not spider bite after effects that are swelling your assets? Maybe you have stumbled onto the future of non surgical breast enhancements here.

Peas on Toast said...

Chantal - no ways man, I don't reckon I could handle Candyman in a room fulla of people, nevermind alone! :)

But hey, never say never!

Po - nope, the spider bite is now healed and down. This is crazy. But going to the doc at 12:30 to get it checked out....

Revolving Credit said...

You're not dying. They're just hungry for some luvin' that's all.

Peas on Toast said...

Well since they've been growing and aching, I've been fondling them NO END.

A bit nervous about all of this...maybe it's the vitamins I'm taking.

kyknoord said...

The scariest movies out there are the Leon Schuster movies, especially if you consider that they're aimed at your typical middle-class demographic.

Peas on Toast said...

kyk - but does Leon stigmata? Does he?
;)

Revolving Credit said...

Have you got Boobmata?

Peas on Toast said...

No, but they're huge. My cahoonas are big. It's so weird.

Revolving Credit said...

DD ????

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - ok don't rip the ring out of it. More like a C!

tyrone said...

How dem noombies? Still growing?

Peas on Toast said...

Still tender and still don't fit my hand :)

tyrone said...

I think it's pretty amusing! :-)

Guys would love it if their package just decided to grow.

livingladolcevita said...

scary boobs? Naaah, probably just too much fondleage.

(But get 'em checked out anyway!)

Peas on Toast said...

Ty - oOh Im sure! But at the risk of sounding crass - okes members seem to grow quite naturally :)

Dolce - thanks doll, I did indeed :)

piasportal said...

definitely pregnant