Was updating Dove and Poen on some of the lingo I learnt from my strapping Brit friend in London.
It's so classic, Jesus suffering fuck, it has me falling off chairs pretty much everytime he opens his mouth to say something.
I’m not sure where it’s derived, it’s not your classic cockney speak, it’s something else. Perhaps because he hails from Dorset originally, or something, but get a load of this lingo:
Dove: How are you?
Peas: I’m minna minna minna mental.
Dove: Yes. You are.
Peas: DO ONE.
Dove: Do one what?
Peas: No mate. DO ONE.
Dove: What the fuck do you want me to do.
Peas: Fuck off.
Dove: Fuck you.
Peas: No it means Fuck off. In Britspeak. That’s what they say.
Peas: You’re such a weapon.
Peas: Check your bad self out.
Peas: Check your bad self out. You’re being such a weapon.
Dove: Is that a wanker?
Peas: More like a tool.
Dove: That’s WELL tidy.
Peas: I know. Bad check out HIS bad self. [Pointing to staunch dude with tattoos all over his arms]
He’s such a UNIT.
And check out those…Tough Stickers.
Peas: His tattoos mate. His TOUGH. STICKERS.
Are you a window licka or summat?
Dove: What the fuck are you on?
Peas: Nah I’m just a bit of a dude.
Dove: No, you’re a girl.
Peas: Yeah but I can still be a bit of a dude. And still bake bo bo bo bo bo brownies.
Dove: You’re a fucken retard.
Peas: No, a retard is a window licka.
Peas: She’s lush you know. Even though she’s well rough.
Peas: It’s rubbish. But when you say ‘Rubbish’ you have to accentuate it to the point where you almost say ‘That’s Wubb-ish!’ Or it’s just….. ‘jank.’
Peas: An ass like a busted sofa. Because her jeans – her Milton Keynes – are too tight.
I wonder if she’s a council gritter.
Poen: …and that would be?
Poen: Shitter. Does she take it up the council? Really, it’s just a load of old pony.
Oh and mate?
Peas: Girls never nip out to release a chocolate hostage.
Poen: That’s disgusting, no we never do that.
Peas: Exactly, and that’s why we never see a brown friend out to the coast. Screaming abdabs.