usage of 20 lamps etc

So, turns out I may have Seasonal Affective Disorder. (SAD. No really, acronym SAD). I think. If cybernosis is anything to go by.

In places like Seattle, it’s rife. People fully jump off balconies and stuff. Heavy going.

And I imagine it’s also a bit of an issue in places like northern Sweden.

They say one needs a ‘good lighting system’ in order to help the winter blues and the adverse penchant for starchy foods.

I don’t ordinarily have a sweet tooth; I’m more of a cheese-and-crackers kind of girl, but hell’s fuck, if I haven’t smashed all sorts of biscuity and choclately things into my piehole of late.

And that makes one even more depressed – the inconsistent eating patterns - and now am definitely considering one of those Caribbean Spray-On Tan thingies to even out my muffintops for when I frolic about on Benguerra Island in 3 weeks.

Because pasty isn’t tasty. That much we know.

The group of us going are staying at a magical place on Benguerra, we’re so fucking lucky, I could cry. Real tears and everything. I’m paying for my supper though, and have a bit of a writing project ahead of me.

I live and sleep work, see. The best way I know how - take on as much as possible, and only deliver perfection.

In the meantime have switched on every light in my house. Elec bill may skyrocket, but quite frankly, if having all 6 lights on in my lounge is going to help me feel better, then so fucking be it.

Even indulged in a devilish glass of the world’s best pinotage last night. Haven’t done that for a week.

I’m freakishly stressed out at the moment, so I’m not sleeping either. When you toss and turn, spread out like a starfish, then try the foetal manouevre, then take all your clothes off, then put them back on, then take them off again. Then out of exasperation, hang off the side of the bed.

While doing this:
1) Break out into a sweat thinking about the emails you have to send the following day
2) The appointments/meetings/conferences you have to actively participate in
3) The problems you have to fix, (I’ve realised that my job pretty much entails problem solving all day long, and once the problem is identified, I have to fix it),
4) Merging frantically into the writing stuff I must do after hours, cogs now fully turning at erratic and frenzied speeds, and fuck! Need to start conceptualising my next book, but where do I find the fucking time
5) Shit, must buy more vitamins
6) Will I have time to prepare for strategy meeting at 10:30
7) When will I fit in my monthly hair treatment emergency
8) Need to confirm that dinner, OMG fuckness, completely forgot about book club last night. Shit.

Are you exhausted yet? Just reading that?

Doc arrives back in town from the Philippines for a month this weekend – yayness.com – an old friend in town might even make me feel normal again.

Oh, and will be buying variety of hats this weekend. Highlight of week. Branching into hat fashion. Fuck yes.