Friday, September 04, 2009

preparation

Was in a horrible space last night.

Not looking forward to Cape Town – obviously my grandfather is not doing so hot, but also because both sides of my family live there and I always feel a bit pulled in both directions.

This is where divorce can be the dog’s danglies. And this is why I usually leave to go backpacking somewhere over Christmas. And to see the world of course.

It’s going to be helluva stressful and will have to mentally prepare on the plane tonight. I can’t do goodbyes or even anticipate them, am going to have shove everything into the little box in the back of head, in the event I don’t get to see my grandfather again.

Have become good at grounding myself to [harsh] realities by mastering the skill of emotional disentachment. It’s taken a while, but I think I’m finally there. In all aspects of everything. I think.

Nevertheless I was on a proper downer last night, so called up a mate and had a few drinks with him. And listened to Vanilla Ice for light comic relief.

Had to get out and escape, it’s going to be a tough weekend.

13 comments:

The Levi Store said...

i hear you peas.. It will not work for me to tell you this or that.. We all have to paddle our own canoe.. And ultimately thats what we have to do. On my side its exactly the same. Divor. Family in cape town. Lots of issues. Thats why we stay in D. We have declared independence from the family actually. :-) so all im saying is that you are not alone. Sendin you an online hug and kiss. x

Secret said...

Good luck - know how it feels, unfortunately, so youre not alone on this one. :)

Nessers said...

You can never really prepare yourself for the death of a loved one but know that we are all with you in spirit as you take this stip. Just let him know how much you love him and that is all you can really do.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks so much guys. xxx

Revolving Credit said...

Emotional detachment is not a way of dealing with reality, but more a way of escaping it.

While this is a way of facing/ avoiding/ deferring the emotional side, it will still need to be dealt with at a later date. If it remains unresolved you will carry it as an emotional burden.

While you may feel that your stoicism is required at this time of family crisis or sadness, ensure that it does not detract from this opportunity to say farewell and to mourn.

Mourning is how we deal with the passing of a loved one. You may choose to do it at a different time and place, but do it you must.

Mourning can be positive, even though it hurts. Remember the good times, the stories told, the lessons learnt, the anecdotes. If there are any questions which remain unanswered or anything you want to know or to say, do it now. This is your opportunity. It is the one thing you cannot defer till later.

Later will be too late.

So grieve, mourn, celebrate, dance, reflect, cry out, walk on the beach, argue, bake cupcakes, throw stones, hold hands, remember...

But if you find yourself on the flight to Cape Town and really do not want to face life and need to escape reality, there's always..(evil grin)..Eve!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - thanks guy, the voice of a budding psychologist indeed! ;)

Emotional detachment is not a way of dealing with reality, but more a way of escaping it.

True, although it's how I've chosen to deal with heartbreak in the passed and it seems to have helped in the realms of self-preservation. At least, it was the best way I knew how.

Maybe you're right though and need to approach this one head one. Family is different.

Revolving Credit said...

Hey, worst case if shit hits the fan, you phone me and I'll help you get shit faced!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks guy ;)

getaway said...

Best wishes love. You are a strong woman bourn from all your experiences, both easy and not so easy. It'll pass just like everything else, but embrace the experience love, you're grandad (im sure) is worth it.

You can do this -

And if ever you feel you can't - we're all here.

hugs, peace and blessings

xx

rhigardt said...

Sterkte

Peas on Toast said...

thanks getaway and rhigardt xx

Ruby said...

Sorry about your grandfather. :(

The weather's been crap lately but today is great! ;) hope it stays that way for your stay ... xx

Will be thinking of you!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Ruby!
So glad to hear the sun is shining at least :)