Wednesday, October 07, 2009

analysing analytics

Was fannying about on my Analytics yesterday. I still find web-capturing data unbelievably fascinating. How you can track how random people found your little blog amongst a plethora of Perez Hilton’s and Failblog’s, and what they did on your site.

Especially when the data is super random. Here are some surprising results from what I noticed yesterday:

1) 12 000 people have viewed my blogger profile. Where it says I was born in the Year Of The Monkey and I’m located in Johannesburg. Hilarious.

2) My fifth biggest readership comes from Norway. Why hello Oslo. What the dickens are you doing here?

3) My site had almost 40% more traffic from a small Adwords account I ran on it over 4 months.

4) Looks like I’m not the only pashed-up female out there who thinks Richard Hammond is a British god dropped from the merry rolling lawns of earl grey and croquet heaven.

(On ‘Earl Grey & Croquet’ – I know the dude from this local band, and he said that I gave him the band name. How fucking cool. I’m sorry. But I am responsible for an up-and-coming rock band’s name. Yes please.)

To the Richard Hammond fanatics out there, he’s mine. Fuck off. These are the latest Hamster keywords:

‘richard hammond bend sticks ‘ [He does? He’s well talented.]

‘richard hammond book launch ‘

‘richard hammond fan sites’ [Hello]

‘richard hammond i want to fuck’

‘richard hammond is hot’

‘richard hammond looks like stuart townsend’ [Er. This might’ve been me. Or someone else out there has the same dream as I do – the Hamster, me and Stuie Townsend having a ménage.]

‘richard hammond love’

‘richard hammond nakid ‘ [Except it’s ‘naked.’]

‘richard hammond sayings ‘

‘richard hammond underpants ‘ [God. Tell me it’s not Y-Fronts. Please.]

‘is richard hammond married,if so to whom & when’

‘fact file richard hammond’

‘richard hammond ‘

‘richard hammond hot ‘

‘richard hammond teeth’

6) 51% of my readers use Internet Explorer. Seriously? Dude’s it’s all about the Firefox. You can pimp it. I have a furlined browser and bling icons. Word.

7) Most people visiting this space – and a huge percentage – use Telkom. Internet Solutions follows and at 10th spot is Neotel.

8) Over 2009 thus far, 40% of my visits are direct traffic, the most read post is ‘How Not To Buy Condoms’ (ref right hand side), followed closely by the post on plagiarism I wrote a few months ago when some bint decided to copy my blog.

9) Some of the longtail crazy queries people found me by, in a snapshot, include:

‘nicknames for accident prone people’

‘d'agniel de bourbon’ ………………[This one is super interesting. My great great great grandmother was this bird. Who was French royalty. Properly. No one fucking believes me, but I’m a direct descendant of royalty. Fuckers.]

‘dracula does calculus’ [?]

‘dog jizzing’ [Lovely.]

‘is toast good for you?’

‘my sister's nipple clamps’

‘not wearing underwear causes a harm to testis?’

‘speedo factory shop cape town’ [This may do harm to your ‘testis’ yes.]

‘which wine does peas on toast drink’ [Diemersfontein Pinotage.]

‘are their stats for people that sing and wank in the shower’ [Particular favourite.]

‘council estate" +southfields’

‘"plays with themselves" definition’

To conclude: Always quite enlightening, is my Analytics data.


Handré said...

The Norway traffic is because Opera Mini relay its traffic through there. It just means all those people are reading your blog on their phones.

Peas on Toast said...

Ooh Handre - thanks you little tech genius! Had no idea about that, so thanks for the insight - because it did seem awfully strange, let's be honest :)

Kate said...

haha oh dear think peas, i think i was "which wine does peas drink..." hehe you punt it so epic-ally I needed to try it (tho i still havent.. i never remember which one it is when im at a bar ;p

Now this is FUNNY: ‘council estate" +southfields’

ps- is it legal for you to be using ur company analytics or can anyone do this? :)

Peas on Toast said...

Kate - anyone can use analytics for any website/blog anywhere - it's free, easy and 100% legal :)

So it was you eh? Awesome - you have to try Diemers! Do it! It'll change your life :)
As for council houses in Southfields - gotta love the Saffas ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Firefox? Should you be using Chrome?

Peas on Toast said...

I use both :)

Am a huge fan of Chrome too - I use each browser for certain things, depending on what I'm viewing etc etc.


Revolving Credit said...

You get paid to say that??

Chrome seems fine.
Irony is that the only occasional issue I have is when using Google search - go figure.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - no not even :)

You can add pug-ins into Chrome now - it's looking pretty swish really!

An Aussie in Africa said...

So I know I'm like a thousand years late commenting on this post (or two years, three months. Whatever). But the 'my sister's nipple clamps,' made me laugh out loud. Does it freak you out at all that people who feel the need to google about their sister's nipple clamps are reading your blog? People be freaky.