medical screen 3: the foot doctor

Things are starting to look up in my week of medical tirades.

And by that I mean the podiatrist is one good looking guy.

And pleasant too.

'How can I help you?' he says with a dazzling smile,
'I have foot problems, I believe,' says I, wondering if anybody ever came in complaining of a blocked Eustachian tube and gets shuffled to another department in confusion.

He did make me run on a treadmill though, to examine my running style. And then very cleverly pressed two pressure points in my feet, one where nothing happened and the other where I shot through the roof like a person who'd just sat on a hotplate.

You have two tendons extending into your feet. They curl round into your sole, and clearly by his examination, one is tighter than a nun's nether region.

He commented on my extraordinarily high arches and said what I am experiencing is normal for someone with arches that resemble a Georgian entrance way. All the pressure therefore lies on one side of my foot, and snow ploughing around corners in Meribel did this no favours.

So he gently crafted plaster paris swab action around my feet to create a mould for an orthotic I'll be putting in my shoes. That I have to wear everyday.

'OK. So here's the thing. I love shoes. And I want to continue to wear the shoes I wear.'

Podiatrist: I'll try to make sure it fits most of your shoes.

Peas: Seriously I'm sure you hear this all the time, but to give you some idea, I have about 30 pairs. And I gave 50 away to charity this year.'

Podiatrist: Wow.

Peas: That's right. Tell me I can wear my ballet pumps. Come ON. I know myself too well, and if the thing doesn't fit, I won't wear it.

Podiatrist: Your feet may look a little higher than what is natural. And you may have to get a new pair of walking shoes.

Peas: Fuck. I'll also be living in London soon, where I'm guessing I'll be doing a lot of walking. On pavements, all the time, to and from public transport.

Podiatrist: Why London?

Peas: Why feet?

Podiatrist: I get to work with people, and frankly, nobody really does feet. Not here or overseas. We're in demand.

Peas: There are a lot of moulds here.

Podiatrist: There are a lot of foot problems out there. Yours will have this support area for your arch, as well as a small heightened wedge for your sole.

Peas: I get these feet from my grandmother's side. She's French. I have my grandmother's French feet.

Podiatrist: Except you're not 80. You're young.

Peas: Aren't you nice.

Come hell or high water, I'll be cramming this bad boy into my shoes. And perhaps I can walk and ski again without feeling any pain.

Lovely.

Next on the list: I go for a 45 minute eye test today.

And find out whether we're all going to Paris for this conference today or not. Eeek.