Friday, April 23, 2010

medical screen 4 & 5: boobs like you've never seen them before

I'd like to introduce you to my boobs.

No one has ever got to see my noombies in this kind of detail, so consider yourself lucky, Yolandi from Graaf Reinet, if you're reading.

Ultra-sound on my tits. You're not only getting to see my boobs, you're getting to see inside my boobs. Now how's that for too much information?

(It does look like a blobby smorgasbord, truth be told.) I present to you, my boobies, the anatomy of Hannah (left breast) and Elizabeth (right breast):

Mmmmmm. Boobs.

It's amazing to see live tissue, can I just say. It must be one thing seeing your baby under ultra sound, but even just my tissue sans baby, is amazing.

All your tissue is moving, and you can see cellular activity going on in real time.

My prognosis:
No dominant palpable lump noted.
Fibroglandular parenchyma with occasional benign cysts, especially on right.
(Her words: 'You're fulla cysts.'---> gak?!)
No suspiscious masses noted.
Suggest screening mammography from age 40

I have cysts, because apparently I have very 'dense breasts.'

I'm not concerned, but it does sound concerning.

As for my eye test yesterday - I have sparkly spangly 20/20 vision. Even after years of solid 9 hour geek screen exposure.
Slightly far sighted in left eye, don't need sexy librarian glasses. Need a fucking orthotic, but don't need glasses. How is THAT fair?

She tested me for glaucoma, because that also runs in the family. She tested this by shooting a spurt of air into each eyeball from a alienatic laser machine.

I screamed, got all sweaty and flew through the roof. As a highly strung person would do.

I am over medical shit now. I've been all bloody week. Completely over doctor's rooms and hospitals, my work here is done. Hopefully.

In other news, I fly to Paris tonight.

Yay for Iceland and it's volcanic brethren for behaving and only erupting with lava now, not ash.
My Brit is also coming so I'll see him tomorrow. I am so excited.

My red beret is packed, and I'm ready for rebuttle in ze Franch language.

Fwonce. For the second time in a month.*

*I don't believe I've even been to Parys twice in a month.


cassey said...

Yay, a trip. Have fun. The air in your eye things is the worst, be glad you don't have specs and need to go every year. They do it every time :-/

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks cassey! So excited. And can't lie - that air eye thing was HIDEOUS!!

kyknoord said...

Ooooh. Saucy. I hope you've saved some hard copies for your Brit.

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