Tuesday, July 06, 2010

the caps lock key

OK. so my life has just changed.

Peas: This bLOODy caps lock key always GETS BLOOdy stuck when I WRIte.

Brit: Why are you using the caps lock key? Wait....you use the caps lock key to write one capital letter?

Peas: What the fuck else would I use?

Brit: You don't use the shift key? Are you telling me all this time you've been using the CAPS LOCK key for one capital letter?

Peas: Listen geek. I don't use your funny little short-cuts for things ok, it's called CAPS LOCK because it does CAPITALS.

Brit: Oh my God. Baby that's very spazzy. That's unbelievable.

Peas: What? Everyone uses the Caps Lock key! You're the only one I've ever heard that doesn't.

Brit: No.....everyone uses shift.

Peas: Then what the fuck do you use your Caps Lock key for then?

Brit: When I want to write a whole sentence in capitals, baby.


Brit: Oh my God, you're the only person in the world who uses caps lock.

Peas: No I'm not! I'm phoning my colleagues Right. Now.

Brit: I don't think you should tell anyone about this.

Peas: And why not? I'm still using it right now!


Peas: Guys. Which key do you use to make capital letters?

Colleague 1: Shift.

Colleague 2: Shift. Why?

Peas: You don't use caps lock? What the fuck is wrong with this world?

Colleague 1: Wait. You use CAPS LOCK?

Colleague 2: You're joking right?

Peas: No, I thought everyone uses caps lock.

Colleague 1: I need to make a call, this is classic. I'm phoning my husband. He's gonna love this.

Peas: Look, you bunch of geeks. This is like telling me that everyone actually drives on the other side of the road.

Colleague 1: 'Hi sweetie, Peas wants to ask you a question.'

Peas: Look. What key do you press when you need to make a capital?

Husband of Colleague 1: Shift.

Peas: Oh my God this is such a mind fuck.

Colleague 1: Peas uses Caps Lock.

Peas: For the love of Christ, it's CAPS - CAPS lock.

Husband: Oh my God. This is classic.

Peas: What's wrong with you people? It's like telling me when I'm 5 that Father Christmas doesn't exist.

Colleague 2: Just to be sure, Father Christmas doesn't exist.

Peas: I wrote a book - and over 10 drafts of it - over 140 000 words - using a Caps Lock key.

Colleague 1: Oh my God, I would've written the entire thing in lower case.

Colleague 2: Just to be sure, Father Christmas doesn't exist.

Peas: What?

Colleague 2: Christmas is going to be a sad day in your household.

Colleague 1: I can't wait to tell Colleague 3.

Peas: Fuck off.

Colleague 2: I think we'd better keep this quiet. It may reflect on us.

Peas: tHERE IS NOTHING WronG WIth using The Caps LOck key! I'm just going to write in lower case from on. i'll be like e.e cummings. holding down the shift key is a waste of valuable typing time.


Wyrd said...

Jirre ...

It's like finding out someone switches off their car every time they come to a stop sign.

Monkigirl said...

Seriously? What do you use to type Exclamation and Question Marks?

Monkigirl said...

Just curious, you are a bit odd, you know :-D

Sitaara said...

Oh my word. When I read this I thought "pfft what are they on about, everyone uses the caps lock key!"
Apparently not.
People laughed.
It was sad.
at least I'm not the only one?

SpecialK said...

Haha, seems I've had it ''wrong'' all along too. Don't think it's an easy thing to switch over - perhaps once a CAPS lock user, forever so;P Besides, is there much of difference?

cassey said...

There isn't anything wrong with using it, it's just that most of us don't ;)

Anonymous said...


A part of me is hoping beyond hope that you made up this,what can only be reffered to as a, typing-retardation, to get some good mileage.


Typing capital letters using the CAPS LOCK key. Its going to become my new drinking game.

Love your blog, hope your future is nothing but fabulous!

p.s - support Chelsea ;)

Sitaara said...

When I read this I was all like 'pfft,what are they on about? everyone uses the caps lock key to write IN CAPS(its only logical??)'
But then I made the mistake of telling someone.
their response(slightly uninterested)'oh thats inter... WHAT!HA!What did YOU use to write in caps??'
me'the caps lock key?'
them:'*continuous taunting*'

at least I'm not the only one!

Stacey Rowan said...

Well this blog certainly made me laugh!! Sorry to say peas, but I also use the shift key... At least you know now :)

Secret said...

LOLOLOLOL!!!!! I use shift too. I was totally and utterly amazed when I found out about the shift key thing about 10 years ago though :P

SpecialK said...

Hahaha! Not to worry Peas - seems I've also had it ''wrong'' all this time;P Have just done a quick office survey and everyone uses shift – wtf?! I've been trying to use the shift key since reading this post earlier but to no avail. Think once a CAPS lock user, forever so...

tyrone said...


Peas on Toast said...

Wyrd - oh my god, is it really that bad? Fuck NOW I'm embarrassed :)

Monki - I use shift for everything else I swear! But I've tried...I cannot switch to shift for caps. I'm still USING IT NOW CAN YOU TEll? ;)

PS: I'm very odd. Agreed ;)

Sitaara - YOU TOO? Oh thank GOD! Seriously, I'm shocked that this has been happening right under my nose, and that it's like a HUGE thing!

SpecialK - you, me and Sitaara should start a Facebook group. Because frankly I need you guys. Can you believe it?? This WHOLE time? PS: Still using caps lock. Me and caps lock party together.

cassey - I've been told otherwise, can you believe it? I've been told that it's basically ridiculous and that it's completely not the right thing to do. Like, WHY is it such a big deal??

mockingbird - YOU SHOULD TRY IT ONCE YOU'VE BEEN drinking.<---see that? see that right there? Caps lock. And I didn't even put that on to impress you :)
PS: Jury still out on Chelsea. My shortlist is officially Spurs, Fulham and Chelsea :)

Stacey - dammit, it's like I'm been living in a cave my whole life! Eekkkk!

Secret - I think my Dad taught me how to make capitals with Caps lock back when I was 11. And now, NINETEEN YEARS LATER, FUCK! I've had it all wrong!!
PS: Go figure, it was me dad!

Tyrone: (tentatively) YES? :)

Terra Shield said...

Lower case is good too. I for one, can't really stand the CAPS LOCK key... In fact I'd rather hold down the SHIFT key even for short sentences!

PS: Been lurking around for two years. Finally decided to delurk because this post is just too awesome. ;)

Ben Kelly said...

If you are a Mac user you can go into System Preferences/Keyboard/Modifier Keys and set Caps Lock to 'No Action' and you never have to worry about it again.

8unni said...

OMW I needed to read this post - Needed to laugh! Thank you! :)

Shift baby - all the way.