Tuesday, August 03, 2010

bath bomb


Oh dear. Shitkicker. Why did she have to go and do that.

Peas: Oh wow, I just had the greatest bath. Ever.

Ozzie: Oi’m from a country that has seeereeous drought problems.

[pause][Huh?]

Peas: Er….I’m also from a country that has serious drought problems.

Ozzie: Yeah but we have water restreections.

[Pause]

Ozzie: You obviously don’t have water restreections.

Peas: Actually we do. In fact we have starving children everywhere and regular famines. And loadshedding. Oh and…. AIDS.

[breathe in, breathe out]

What the fuck [don’t explode] does that have to do with me having a bath …in England?

Ozzie: Notheeng. It’s just that I don’t bah-th. I shower.

Peas: Great. I bath. Everyday. I love Bath Culture.

Ozzie: Well in England, they used to bath twoice a week.

Peas: Yeah back in the 1600s.

[pause]

Peas:…….. hence the term, ‘baby with the bath water,’ because they were so filthy, FYI. I like to be…clean. As strange as that may sound.

Ozzie: Roight, Just saying.

OK now I’m just annoyed. I'm being judged for bathing.

Not to be self-righteous or anything, but for GOD’s sake, now I have to feel bad about having a bloody soak?

I didn’t quite anticipate this.

‘We recycle,’ is a phrase I did anticipate, on moving in.

And unfortunately am a bit dumb at it. I tend to sometimes put the wrong shit in the wrong bin, but not for lack of trying.

First Worlder’s are just shit hot at recycling. Me? My talents lie in managing to switch off lights when I leave a room and trying not to waste expendable energy.

We recycle at work and we recycle at home. I can be a recycling whore - sure - just as long as I’m not drunk. And therefore don’t put tin foil in the compost bin, like the other day.

But my bath? This is serious. This has got under my skin. And I’m NOT going to take this lying down.

6 comments:

Margot said...

Oh good. The cohabitation nightmare begins. Excellent news for us who follow your blog, cos this is bound to be amusing to the readers until you cave in and move in with the boy already... ;)

Peas on Toast said...

It's like I knew this was going to happen, but didn't realise how.

And then she threw in the word 'drought' next to 'bath' and suddenly I am 21 again.

Except this time, not as tolerant.

cassey said...

She sounds like a pain. I say have many long happy baths :0

kyknoord said...

You're going to have to watch that one. Next thing you know, she's going to be giving you a hard time because you didn't finish all your broccoli and there are children starving in Africa.

nicole said...

oh jesus. i will never share a digs again ! i'd rather have my arms chewed off my snarling rottweilers. NEVER with an ozzie either :p

Flirty 30 said...

Sorry Peas- I'm with Margot.
Your "misfor-toooen" is our enjoyment- as long as you write about it for us. ;-)