Thursday, August 05, 2010
I mistakenly drank a double espresso yesterday. Prior to a meeting.
Usually, when you drink or consume something in a workplace environment, one is of the knowledge that it's not going to fuck you over.
This is my office, not Ibiza.
Or is it?
It was a perfectly great concept whereby I was lovingly made a caffeine concoction from a seemingly inconspicuous machine.
All manual, beans ground, steam foamed, whatever. I drink coffee like a baby drinks breast milk. It's my vice. Along with the (occasional.....semi-regular...Marlboro Light).
Point is, I am a robust caffeine-imbiber, where I get the buzz I need, embrace the Java full flavour raver behaviour, and don't completely lose my mind.
I had my coffee, and nothing happened. Walked up to my desk, realised I had a meeting, grabbed my laptop and notebook.
Sat at the table, in order to have one of those 'think tank' sessions, and something started happening.
It began with the usual redundant meeting talk that speaks volumes and actions nothing.
Peas: 'So yes, I think if we mind map the year's plan, that's a good start.'
Lady: Yes I'll send you document X, for your sign off, and you can give your thoughts on we can implement Document Y, and then collaborate from there.'
(It seems all meetings start with these exact same sentences. Any place, anytime, anywhere. You could be sitting in the Sahara litigating Charles Taylor's Liberian jail time and this is how it would begin. I'll bet you a fiver.)
Peas: [ping, oh dear Christ what is that?] Soguyswhatdoyouthinkwhatdoyouthink...we syncupwithJohninmarketingandhecanyes! yes! YES! Let's have an event! Aneventanevent,eventanyone? Whatdoyouguysreckonwehostanevent?
I was high as a kite.
Eventually had to take a step back and apologise.
'JeeezizChristwhatwasinmycoffee? Think I just got given a doubleespresso seriously helpme.'
Abruptly said I'd write the minutes and left.