flame by burger king

Two weeks ago, we were having a conversation around the lunch table along the lines of:

"Imagine if you...smelt like a pie?"

Which escalated into:

"If you had to smell like a pie, what would it be?"

Everyone in unison agreed that smelling like a chicken and mushroom would probably be best, if you had to smell like you'd rolled into a vat of pies.

(Except there's always one guy, who'll say, "'Ang on. How long would I have to smell like a pie for?")

This then escalated into whether there was a fragrance that smelt like pies. Pie in a bottle, if you will. Turns out there is. Give or take.

Burger King made a fragrance called Flame. It's a burger in a bottle. You spray it on and you smell like a Whopper. I'm not joking.

So we decided to have a Pheromone Off. My Welsh colleague would spray himself in Lynx (Axe in South Africa and the US); and I'd source some Flame from eBay.

The challenge would be to see who could out-smell the other, taken from the feedback of our colleagues around us.

I'm always game for this rudimentary and childish bullshit. Always.

Well, my bottle of Flame just arrived. From [a braai in] Stockton, California.

Dude. Burger King made a perfume.

Dude.

The idea was that my Welsh colleague will be forced to wear Lynx/Old Spice and smell like a 13 year old horndog and/or old man; and I'd smell like grilled meat.

So I sprayed about 30 mls on about 30 minutes ago, and this is the feedback.

1) "So what do you think. Do you want fries with that?"

2) "I'd like to shove you between a bun. Just sayin'."

3) "That smells like someone with aggressively, aggressively, poor taste."

4) "You smell like a fire that's been put out with a truckload of Lynx."

5) "If Old Spice could fart, it would smell like this."

6) "You smell like a grandpa on the pull in a nursing home."

Personally, I think I smell like a yuletide log.

Everyone's eyes are streaming and we all have migraines.

Tomorrow we'll go neck-and-neck on Worst Smell Ever: The Challenge.. I'll tell you this for free - it's going to hard to distinguish the winner of this Pheromone Off.