two emails

For my colleague who I used to work with in our South African office and has since moved to the Sydney office:

---- Original Message -----
From: Peas On Toast
To: info@australiazoo.com
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2011 9:13 AM
Subject: Info on adoption programme

Hi there

I am seeking information on your adoption programme. I am specifically seeking info on your kangaroo adoption process.
I am currently living in London, and understand that this might persuade your decision for me to adopt. However I have spoken to Jane Hamilton, head of the adoption programme, who has issued me with the survey and adoption forms and said that I am currently on the shortlist.

My query pertains to my cousin, Liza Tidwell, who resides in Brisbane, if she could collect and keep the kangaroo - under my jurisdiction and affidavit - until it is out of quarantine and can be sent to me.

Please let me know the process of kinship and I will furnish you with all the details.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: janehamilton@auszoo.com.au
Date: Thu, Mar 31, 2011 at 10:39 AM
Subject: Re: Kangaroo
To: Peas On Toast


Ref #4557
Dear Ms Clements [Red herring. Spelt my own surname wrong so that any suspicion of this being a fake would be quashed.]

Thank you for your interest in our Adopt A Wild Child programme. Our initiative falls under the umbrella of The Australia Zoo, of which we have three Macropodidae marsupials we'd like to deliver to good homes. The kangaroo we have picked for you, in line with your experience detailed in our initial survey is Saffron. From the largest species of this genus, Saffron is an Eastern Grey Kangaroo, and is currently 9 months old.

Due to larger kangaroos having adapted much better to changes brought to the Australian landscape by humans, kangaroos like Saffron are plentiful. They are not farmed to any extent, but wild kangaroos are shot for meat, which is under the circumstances of which we rescued Saffron from the same demise.
We look forward to hearing back from you at your earliest convenience.

Best,
Jane Hamilton
Australia Zoo Adoption Programme
1638 Steve Irwin Way
Beerwah, Queensland 4519
Australia

In partnership with LG.

NOTICE: This is privileged and confidential and intended only for the person named below. If you are not that person, then any use, dissemination, distribution or copying of this is strictly prohibited, and you are requested to notify us immediately by calling or faxing us collect at the numbers above.


--------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Peas On Toast
Date: Thu, Mar 31, 2011 at 10:39 AM
Subject: Re: Kangaroo
To: Peas' Cousin

Hey Cuz

Looks like you can collect and keep the kangaroo as long as you can produce my documents to Jan Hamilton as well as the quarantine documents from the DOA. You're right there...it'll be good practice for you before Peabody is born to look after a teensy tiny kangaroo methinks!

Let me know when we can chat you through everything and dates of picking him/her up!!
Thanks cuz so excited! Although it's going to cost me a packet to ship the fucker over.
PS: Joe doesn't know yet....will tell him later....

Love me xx


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Peas' Cousin
Date: Thu, Mar 31, 2011 at 10:39 AM
Subject: Re: Kangaroo
To: Peas On Toast

Cuz can you Skype?? Bad news. Not sure if there's a way out of this, but Mark has to go to the States and I have to go too, as his mom isn't well and it's not looking good.
Are you sure the dates are 15 April-22 April for pick up? We can pick it up from 6 May once we're back, and so sorry, but is there anyone else you know?


From: Peas On Toast
To: saffainaus@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2011 6:16 PM
Subject: Huge favour

Hi dude

So I know this is going to seem a little odd,and a really big favour to ask you but have no idea what to do. Basically I was looking into an animal adoption programme/kangaroo a few months back and my cousin was meant to collect it before it gets sent to me after its quarantine period.

The lady at Australia Zoo assures me that it's still seriously small, only a few months old. My cousin, who lives in Brisbane has to go to the States over the day of pick up (family emergency) and I need someone (loving and kind!) to look after it for just 2 weeks. I'm so sorry to even ask, seriously. But would you be up for it? I can give you all the details if you're up for it.

Basically I am looking into it, as in our new house (Joe's offer is accepted!) we have a small small garden but not big enough for a dog, and thought having a kangaroo would be kinda novel and eccentric. Either way let me know your thoughts.

Thanks dude xx

...................

For Dove:

From: Peas On Toast
To: thedove@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2011 7:31 PM
Subject: Big news

China, big news. So I've been accepted to this rotation programme, where I get to spend the next six months living in Guam. (Starting May). Can you believe it? I never thought I'd get in, so I never mentioned it as I didn't wanna jinx it. Anyway, basically, my company is doing research on Bio-invasion, as the island of Guam is riddled in alien brown tree snakes and I am the lead on the project. I can finally conquer my fear of snakes once and for all!!
Dude, am so so scared and so excited at the same time. Help, advice?!


............

I await both April foolish outcomes.