Thursday, January 19, 2012
how to bath for dummies
So, I'm bath-obsessed. Allow me the indulgence of a long post to geek out on this.
I usually write about having a bath at least once every two years, because some people just don't understand bath people.
Bath people are those who don't shower, they bath. They feel lost and incomplete if they don't have a bath at least once a day. Having a bath is £100-worth of therapy for them. They think about it hours before they actually do it, to the point of visceral excitement. Maybe some people get excited about having a shower, but I haven't met those people yet. Bath people are willing to spend large amounts of cold cash on the products and concoctions that go into their bath.
Packaging is very important for a bath snob. I pay for the packaging. Blatantly. It needs to look good on my bath shelf, bitch.
Bath people know that having a bath is more than getting clean.
Bath people know that having a bath means cooking up a recipe of essential oils, bath bombs, candles and music, and therein, watch all your days' troubles disappear into the steam.
It's time by yourself. It's the warm enveloping nature of warm water. It's fucking wonderful, that's what it is.
And most of the world doesn't bother to, have access to, or want to bath. Which is pretty sad. They have no idea how great the simple pleasure of lying horizontal in a tub full of hot, scented water actually is.
Having a bath is a fucking necessity for me. Especially when it's cold and dark outside. I won't rent or buy a house without a bath, because to me, that's like renting a house without a front door.
As a veteran member of the Bath Club, I am very particular with my bath. I have a cabinet dedicated to shit to throw in my bath. This country is filled with shops that sell amazing bath products, and I'm a willing client at most of them.
Every night is different, depending on my mood, and what I feel like.
But these are the essential essentials I always have:
The Brit is very good at bringing me home a bath bomb or creamy massage bar from Lush. It has the same effect as flowers.
You can crumble some of the products into the bath bit by bit, so it lasts ages. And always smells ridiculously good.
I love their creamy bars, especially after a good scrub.
I use their shampoo and conditioner, orange body wash, rose body scrub and their essential oils. I love Neal's Yrad. It's all natural and organic. Packaging is great, and always smells incredible.
No real bath addict would be seen without something from The Body Shop in their bathrooms. That would just be undignified.
My favourite bath products from them are their ginger shampoo, Vitamin C face spray for when you're finished, strawberry shower gel.
Then there's the unbridled territory. The luxury-end stuff that many fear to tread.
The products from individual stores that are usually wrapped in crepe paper with little bows.
My shop is on Northcote Road, a vintagey bath store run by an elderly lady, with products such as bath salts infused with Moroccan Rose and Honey, creamy honey bath oil.
I don't even know the name of this place.
But it sells some pretty sick bath shit. That kind of looks like this:
Dude. It's like the best stuff ever. I just wish I can remember what it is.
So I'll be sanctimonious and keep it to myself for now.
Dude. A few drops of these bad boys is meant to, like, change your life and relax your muscles.
Fuck it, even if they don't, whatever.
I put Epsom Salts - straight - into the bath with the essential oils. I like to think of it as a 'cocktail' of relaxation. Epsom Salts are meant to relax muscle tissues, so after a particularly arduous day, I'll make myself a bath cocktail using those ingredients.
Epsom Salts don't look very nice. I have to hide this bottle at the back of the cupboard. Someone up at Epsom Salts marketing could make a fortune if they made Epsom Salts look luxurious.
Totally amazeballs dude. Smells kind of like wood varnish, but then it's all natural and it makes you think it really does work. Comes in a nice tin with an old dude - Burt? - on the front too.
I always switch off all my lights and set ablaze a string of scented tea light candles (usually rose or vanilla) or a Yankee candle in the bath room.
Then make sure I can hear the Top 50 Love Ballads of All Time on MTV from the lounge.
Or dirty gangsta hip hop when I'm feeling bolshy.
This post wasn't meant to be a sales pitch for bath products. And oh my God look at the time.
I'm just saying, Fanatical Shower People, you're missing out on a whole hobby here.