Monday, January 16, 2012

horizontal theories


I'm back at my desk.

I'm on the pills, and there's a little party going on in my head, but am back at work.

It's good not to be horizontal. And have come up with a few theories in my delirious, deskbound state.

"Gym" is for Socialists and Satanics.
It's in inverted commas, because I believes it belongs in them. I'm sick of January, and I am sick of the word gym. They go hand-in-hand, so frankly I can't wait until everyone breaks their new Year's resolutions. It's such a ghastly thing, is the gym.

My New Year's resolutions. Speaking of
I still don't have any. But now that I have had plenty of time to think, and dribble, on myself, mostly, I have a few hard and fast ideas for 2012.

1) Buy an Audi
2) Go to Ukraine
3) Practice being nice, even if it's all a lie

On the Audi
This isn't a decision I have made in haste. I have wanted an Audi A3 since 2003. It's the turbo coupled with the fact that it has two doors and looks aesthetically pleasing, that I always said I'd own one once in my life. If I am to have babies one day, best I buy the fast, sexy car now before I have to drive a fucking Volvo.
My friends are having babies; I am having a quarter-and a half-life crisis. So the time and temperament is right for a German sports car.

Besides, the Brit and I will share it.

Having a car is independence. I think about driving everyday. In London you can survive quite happily without one, for years on end. The trouble is I don't want to survive, I want to drive.

Even if it means I pay congestion charges, can only drive it on weekends, have to change my driver's license.

It's time for less "where is the fucking bus, my Saturday is a-wastin'," and more "Vorsprung durch Technik," as far as I'm concerned.

It's going to have a mahoosive sound system. And we shall drive to France in it.

I'm still in pain
Did I mention the pills?

Holy shit. I'm going to South Africa in three weeks.
Three weeks! Jesus, how will I ever get the workload I'm carrying done before then?
I have four launches to organise.

I have a [classily non-orange] fake tan to get.

The one thing we have done, the Brit and I, is get our itinerary together for our road trip. We're hiring a Yaris and driving all over the Western Cape in it.

I saw two movies lately worthy of praise
Limitless - about a dude who pops a black market pill that raises his IQ/accesses his entire brain at once. Bradley Cooper, Robert de Niro. Gripping and fantastic.

The Iron Lady - I love Margaret Thatcher more than ever. To the point where the Brit has advised me to pipe down in front on Northerners. Inspiring and amazing, with a love story blockbusted in.

Both come highly recommended.

4 comments:

Stacey Rowan said...

So will you be making any appearances in SA? Would like to meet you - not in a perverted way haha. More like a signature? I'm a fan! (Not in a perverted way either) haha. Well you'll be coming home to sunny weather :)

Anonymous said...

Get the car. Lifes to short to be a sensible fucker. I did, love my Audi.

Billy

Peas on Toast said...

Stacey - haha apperances?! Most definite;y - you'll find me lazing about on Clifton beach, cocktail in hand, or otherwise one the wine route and enjoying a couple of grapes! :)
xx

Billy - aye aye Billy! A man who knows! xx

Vannessa said...

I watched a program on Discovery last night where they analysed a person's sweat (Mike Rowe - quite dishy) and all the bacteria that grow from it. Trust me, a gym is the filthiest possible place on earth, according to that! I would steer well clear of them all!
And if you are in Cape Town on a Tuesday night, give me a shout. We have a braai every Tuesday night, plenty of wine, hubbly and jacuzzi. I am sure you would fit right in!