Thursday, April 26, 2012

what brits do abroad*

My Brit is in Israel for work, and turned into an instant stereotype last night.

He played it up, I'm certain, but if you've ever seen An Idiot Abroad featuring one Karl Pilkington being ridiculously British and anti everything, then you'll get the idea.

Phone rings.

Peas: So you're in Haifa, over Israel's Independence Day. Is there anything festive happening, or is it a bit dangerous?

Brit: I'm at the hotel bar, I don't think I'll go out.

Peas: Why, is it dangerous?

Brit: No not at all. There are fireworks and kids running around in costume, and it's all very festive, but I really couldn't be arssed.

Peas: How far away are you from the celebrations?

Brit: About 5 minutes down the road.

 ------- Now what you have to remember is twofold. My Brit is endearing to me because he is British. And British people love to moan. And they don't like to venture out of their natural habitat (read: hotel), especially in very foreign countries as it puts them out of their comfort zone.
Enter Karl Pilkington.

Peas: You're close, just go and see what it's all about! maybe there's some good food to be eaten. Just have a little gander. You might not get the opportunity again. I mean, you're in Haifa.

Brit: Sigh. I suppose OK. I'm on my own though, so it's not that much fun.

--------Twenty minutes later:

Phone rings.

Brit: Babe. I now know how that guy Karl feels like on Idiot Abroad.

Peas: OK so you went out? Are you there now?

Brit: Yes. This place is mental. Costumes, fireworks, kids running amuck. I've been here five minutes and really just want to go home.

[chirrup chirrup]

Brit: And there's some wank stain squirting foam all over these billboards around me, it's chaos.

Peas: Look, why don't you find a place to eat and sit down and take stock with a beer?

Brit: You read my mind. I'm looking for an Irish pub as we speak. You can always find an Irish pub.

Peas: Come on.

Brit: [Perking up] Maybe they'll be showing the football?

Peas: Are there some cool photos you can take of the festivities?

Brit: What for really? You see one festival, you see them all, really.


I love knowing that I am the Adventurer amongst us - lashtag Christine Columbus? Maybe? Just a little bit? And that he's my special Brit who parties better than he explores.

* It should be noted that Brits who go to Sunny Britain (read: Spain) are happy to go outside the hotel. They drink a lot of beer in the sun and burn themselves to a crisp, and look like lobsters. These type of Brits (not mine, might I add) like to go to places like Marbella (red: MarBAYaah), and as a result, no Spanish people live there anymore.

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