extreme tastes and sandwiches

On extreme tastes

Now that I haven't eaten anything nice that looks like a cow or cheese in more than a month, something extraordinary has started to happen.

Either my taste buds are delusional (highly likely), or they're a bit bored and are desperately trying to differentiate between the multiple types of green leaves and other foliage that passes my pie hole on a daily basis.

Well, suddenly my mouth is starting to seriously wise up to the flavours lank.
I find myself craving freshly sliced tomato on a mop of wholemeal bread, or sauteed mushrooms and garlic on a bed fresh tomato and spinach leaves...

I've become such a vegetable fiend, that I make sure I get the maximum flavour out of say, celery sticks, that I possibly can. Preparing it in such a way that doesn't compromise it's nutritional value, but in such a way the subtle flavours work the best way they can for my mouth.
That means cooking some, leaving some raw, layering them together, in a very certain way.

I ate a cheeseburger over the weekend (we went for lunch, as a celebration that we chose our wedding bands on Sunday) and thereafter had some serious problems digesting that bad boy.


On extreme dresses

Jolly good thing I went on a diet dude. My wedding dress arrived on Saturday (Hooray! And Insane!), and the woman literally started sweating when she embarked on the whole back fastening thing. It took a fair amount of tugging, a few misplaced grunts, and once there it fit like a glove. The thing doesn't need any alterations as it currently stands.
Which is mental, no? It's like my diet has coicidentally perfectly dissected with my wedding dress, to the day.
The problem is, I can't put on one milllimetre of weight between now and April 27th. Or that big white bastard isn't gonna fit me without my bridesmaids spraying me with lube to help get it on.

That's quite a picture. Me, engulfed in lube, white dress being pulled on.....I'd be a personified phallus.

Interesting.

On extreme calorie-avoidance

Here's a quick open-top (less calories! And the Danish do it! So it must be good!) sandwich recipe that'll taste amazeballs and also only take up, like a very small amount of calories.

Cut up 6 large mushrooms. Into little dice shapes.
Slice one tomato into very thin slices.
Chop up a large clove of garlic

Lightly fry up the mushrooms and garlic, using a teaspoon of olive oil.
Sautee the mushrooms until brown and a little crisp. Remove and put to the side.

Place a slice of wholemeal seed bread onto the pan.
This will toast the bread on one side so that the bottom is crunchy and the top is warm but soft.

Layer the freshly sliced tomato on top of the bread (add a layer of butter if you need.) Add a crack of black pepper, salt and fresh basil.
Top the sauteed mushrooms on top of the fresh tomatoes.

See? Raw plus cooked. It tastes amazing.

I think. 

On extreme behaviour

Which scenarios, on a scale of 1-5, would you say is the one that is the most psychotic?

1) In a fit of rage, slashing someone's tyres/putting sugar in the petrol tank, writing "dickhead" with a house key on the side of someone's car door

2) Reading through someone's texts and emails without them knowing.

3) Reading through someone's texts and emails, then emailing and texting multiple people in their address book pretending to be the owner of the phone, trying to seek certain information from specific individuals.

4) Boiling a bunny. And not for a family stew.

5) Getting drunk and doing all of the above, together or separately, at any one time.

Lock your doors. And your cellphones.