Sometimes I get the best emails.
Like yesterday, from this anonymous and feisty reader:
"Dude, I must say, I've been following a similar diet and yes TMI. But OMG I have such clean pooh. No ways, man. It's not brown at all. It is the colour of a baby's."
As girls don't pooh, one can guess that the gender of the sender - oh yeah, "the gender of the sender," drop a beat - must be one that doesn't have a vagina.
I have received a lots of interesting emails over the years, ranging from love advice (That's right! Me = The Queen of Lurve. Good one - like I know the secret to that science), to suggestions of how many ways you can poke someone with a kitchen spatula.*
Anyway. Where was I. Oh right, pooh.
One thing I can be thoroughly candid about is gas. I'll be brutally honest. Eating a diet that is made up of a dizzying array of leaves and beans, with a smattering of other stuff on the side, means that most of the time, you are eating air.
Or stuff that makes air.
My other diet guineapig agrees (although he has recently fallen off the wagon while on a recent trip to Americah, so do take it with a pinch of salt.) After a while when your system gets used to what it's digesting - air and cellulose - but until then, you might be a bit farty.
So sit tight, plug it in and don't open your lunchbox in public.
Off the diet briefly and onto something else: dreams.
Throughout periods of my life, I have reoccurring dreams. Many are about my childhood home, which usually turn into screaming, sweating night terrors. Sometimes I find the trapdoor to the basement, or a secret passage, where some demon lives that I have to face. Any pot-smoking psychology student would be able to determine what that means: "Face your childhood demons."
Cool. So I did. And the 'basement' demon doesn't scare me anymore. Mostly.
Now, I'm dreaming about my wedding. Like last night, where I arrived late to the chapel and the congregation was completely empty. And I was naked. And had no dress. And everything was chaos.
Again. Easy. Performance anxiety and worries about everything turning out OK. Logical and will almost definitely go away once we are married.
The third occurring dream I am having right now is about two people. One meant something to me at one stage of my life, the other I don't really know. The dream is mostly fine, but am not sure why these two people - or the one person in particular - is resurfacing in my sub-concious. It could be because I'm at a cross-roads - about to become a Mrs, or because it's a closure thing.
I don't know. But if there are any dream interpreters in the house, please do make yourselves known.**
* Not yet, actually. Although there's always a first time. Inbox me if kitchen spatulas are your vaab.
**I do believe in the symbolism of dreams, and how they can provide insight to other problems. I don't believe in the whole "someone is trying to convey a message" psychic thing. Am atheist, remember. So crystal balls aren't needed, just interpretation.