hispter for a day

If I was a hipster for one day, I'd say this.

Follow:

Wanda LaQuanda (@bigoletitties) on Twitter. She is absolutely hysterical, if you can understand her dialect. Deep South, big black lady, who refers to her vagina in every tweet (usually as "COOCHAY MOMMA") and calls white ppl 'retardz.' She is absolutely brilliant, and hits the nail on the head as far as stereotyping goes.

If crude, vagina-talking, white-people-dissing, text speakin' is going to offend you, don't bother. (Why are you on my blog even?) I think she is fabulous.

Stereotyping is my favourite next to toilet humour. I'm a simple human being.
Two examples below, cue vagina and Kim Kardashian's baby name:

Wanda LaQuanda ‏@bigoletitties 9h

~DIS PUSSAY LEJENDAIRY~

Wanda LaQuanda ‏@bigoletitties 21 Jun

DOAN ACKCHEWUHLEY CAIR WUT KIM AND KANYE NAIM DEY CHILE~ KIM NEEDA WERK ON GETTIN HA PUSSAY 2 SNAP BAK~ DAS WUT IT DU~

Eat: 

'Cronuts.' It's trending in the UK, and all the hot chefs are making them. I know. Ridiculous.

It's literally a donut + croissant. Massive bastardisation that is sure to piss off the French, but apparently quite tasty after 8 beers in the pub.

Wear:

Scarves and button up cardigans.

I do. And this is considered a good move, according to the campest gay man I know, so I am listening.

I have been told my style has changed by three people in the space of a week. (Wha'?) I'm dressing like a 'high power wife,' they say. Not the pearls and twinsets type, the "I'm gonna fuck you up nicely," way. Whatever that means.

Apparently, scarves are now the new power dressing. "Powerscarfing," is to 2013 what shoulder pads was to 1987.

Cardigans just make you look delicately masculine without looking too lesbionic.

Wear these together, and wiwith a bit of luck you'll be ready for House of Lords.

Listen:

To classical music. Tchaikovsky has always been a firm favourite. In our next house, I'm getting a piano so I can play again.

If you want to survive slow walking people, work stress, need to unwind and chill out immediately, be one with the universe/God/spirits/yourself - listen to the soothing, contemporary sounds of classical mastery.

Wish:

Us luck! (Please?)  Putting our flat on the market while we are away. Have been packing up all the valuables and making it nice and tidy so that they can do a showroom while we are trekking through the Borneon rainforest.

Ah...the jungle.

Three nights until we leave. COOCHAY MOMMA.
Wanda LaQuanda is totally coming with us to the jungle.