the life and times of joe dobbie

Oh this poor chop.

I received an email yesterday that has been sent through Britain like a wild bush fire, finding it’s way to South Africa, back to Britain, probably to Australia and then back to South Africa and back to the UK again.

The story about this email was published in The Star yesterday.

It must’ve been forwarded at least 25 times. Each time to between 10 and 100 people. Total about 30 000 people maybe. That’s quite a few in-boxes right there. By the time it got to my in-box, one starts chuckling in disbelief as one scrolls down to the offending email at the bottom. It was entitled “FW: How NOT to ask a girl out.”

The poor bloke had left his mobile and email address at the bottom of it too. All while scrolling down, the same sentiment was passed from one forward to the next:
“Poor fucker, his life is ruined.”
“Scroll down. This is priceless.”
“This is classic. If just one person out there can learn from this poor dude's approach, then there'll be one less creeped out lady out there.”
“This is genius...he thinks he's Will Shakespeare”
“If this bloke can get a date - everyone has to have a chance.”

The chap had sent the email to some bird he met on Saturday night. It went as so:

From: Joe Dobbie
To: Kate Winsall

Hello Kate,

It’s Joe - we met at Andrew’s party. I hope you don’t mind me getting your email address from the email that Andy sent to us all; it is a bit sneaky of me.

It was wonderful to meet you on Saturday, and I wonder if you would consider meeting me for coffee sometime; maybe at the Tate Modern?

OK. This is where my common sense is telling me to stop? Keep it simple and positive Joe. And the probability of me listening to that voice? Experience has taught me that it is not worth putting up a fight; I will end up giving in to the part of me that never wants to find itself shaking its head and muttering “if only?”

This is the part where I throw caution to the wind; the part where I listen to my heart and remember that I should live my life as an exultation and revel in the opportunity to try; the part where I refuse to apologize for who I am; the part where I trust that the lady I met on Saturday night is, as I suspect, able to see sincerity where others would see clich .

I am fortunate enough to have been able to collect a number of special memories. They are memories of moments that made any struggle leading up to them worthwhile. They are memories of moments when I am struck by something so beautiful, time stands still and all of the ugliness in the world ceases to exist. Your smile is the freshest of my special memories.

Regardless of whether we see each other again, I will use it as I do my other special memories. I will call on it when I am disheartened or low. I will hold it in my heart when I need inspiration. I will keep it with me for moments when I need to find a smile of my own. I am unsure of all my motives for sharing this with you and, if I am honest, not ready to examine them too closely. However, I know that it makes me feel good to believe that maybe, if you are ever upset, knowing that I will be keeping your smile alive might help you through.

If you are half as intelligent and aware as I believe you to be, I am sure that you will find what I have written, in the very least, sweet. If I am twice as lucky as I would dare to hope, you will find this note charming and agree to contact me and arrange a date.
Either way, I trust that your reply will be candid - you told me how much you value honesty.

One last thing, I promise that it is enormously rare for me to stray as far from sobriety as I managed on Saturday night.

Be safe.
Joe

I decided to email him myself, using his personal details that followed, just to see whether he is for real. He probably gets emails all the time now, with quotations extending from “Hello Hamlet/Dude you’re such a chop/was that email thing true.)

Email conversation:
From: [Peas On Toast] used my work email, with my journalist signature at the bottom.
To: Joe Dobbie

Hi Joe.

From: Joe Dobbie
To: [Peas On Toast]

Hi [Peas On Toast]

To: Joe Dobbie
From [Peas]

So how are you? Who are you?

To: [Peas]
From: Joe Dobbie

Dear [Peas On Toast],

Thank you for your e-mail.
I have an obligation to the Daily Mail and, until they are finished with me, I am unable to take part in discussions with other publications, television and radio stations.
I may be a journalist, but did I say anything about wanting your story? – Ed]

The Daily Mail has indicated that they are likely to release me from my obligation early, possibly by the beginning of next week. Please feel free to contact me at the beginning of next week if you are still interested.

Be safe.
Joe

You have to be kidding me. I work in food and beverage! Is this guy a celebrity or something? His 'Be Safe' is obviously a Joe Dobbieism.

From: Peas
To: Joe Dobbie

I don’t want to interview you. Are you a celebrity or something?

From: Joe Dobbie
To: Peas

Forgive me but, if for no other reason than I gave my word that I would endeavor to avoid talking to anybody from publications etc, I cannot talk to you at the moment.

Be safe
Joe

From:[Peas]
To: Joe Dobbie

So what happened then? (Ignoring all cries of 'no comment')

From: Joe Dobbie
To:[Peas]

I am not sure either. I think my e-mail might be famous.

Be safe
Joe

(OK. ‘Be safe’ is getting tired.)

PS: If you know these people, or are these people, terribly sorry. But this entertained me for quite the most part of the afternoon yesterday.

PPS: I can't get enough. I went ice skating again yesterday with The Ant and Third Roommate. Hilarious.