Thursday, April 26, 2007

myers-briggs wants an assassin

My step dad made me do the Myers-Briggs personality test the other day. The results were surprisingly surprising:

Extroverted (E) 82.76% Introverted (I) 17.24%
Intuitive (N) 54.29% Sensing (S) 45.71%
Thinking (T) 51.43% Feeling (F) 48.57%
Perceiving (P) 62.5% Judging (J) 37.5%


Risk taker, easy going, outgoing, social, open, rule breaker, thrill seeker, life of the party, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, appreciates strangeness, disorganised, adventurous, talented at presentation, aggressive, experience junky, insensitive, adaptable, messy, carefree, dangerous, fearless, careless, emotionally stable, spontaneous, improviser, always joking, player, wild and crazy, dominant, acts without thinking..

Then it all fell into place: ...not into organised religion, pro-weed legalisation.

The careers most suited to me include:
Dictator, international spy, comedian, music performer [karaoke or bust - Ed], fighter pilot, politician, game designer, freelance writer, news anchor, professional skateboarder, mechanical engineer, research scientist, judge, web developer, FBI agent, assassin.

Assassin. Why my school guidance counsellor neglected to steer me into the private killing industry is beyond me.
I mean, I could be put to great use for my dear old friend, The Dove – who is teaching English to a clutch of Spanish fledglings in Palma at the moment:

Subject: where the f$%#ck are you?

China. I have just been dragged around Aquamarine Land with a bunch of 3-year old Spanish kids who all took a liking to the dolphin pool. You try telling little Miguel that a dolphin is not a gold fish, and cannot be lifted out of the water by means of a net....

Holy shit bags, imagine me missioning around this place when it´s “school outing day” and there are about another ten other schools coming to see parrots speaking Spanish and seals jumping through hoops... And, ”shut the fuck up” is of no use whatsoever, 'cos not even the teacher understands it....
I'll give you the Uzi, you fire away china, fire away. Speaking of which, how is that anger management problem working for ya in light of all the crappola these days?


fush and chips said...

Talking to his psychiatrist about going to his high school reunion]
Marty: They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

Peas on Toast said...

Fush - With a fork? Well, now that's talent. Ever considered a job in assassinary, my dear?

fush and chips said...

Naah. I'm content with walking John Cusack doing it in Grosse Point Blank.

Haven't fired a gun since I was nine. Folks used to give the gaggle of kids a shot gun, a shopping bag of shells and send us off into a nearby field. Kept us out their hair while they were clay pigeon shooting and doing adult what not.

Peas on Toast said...

Fush - I fired a gun for the first time about a month ago. A rifle, bru. Fuck it felt good. Out of 25 clays, I shot one. But squeezing that trigger felt fudging fantastic.

kyknoord said...

Oops. Sorry. It's okay, everything's cool. Let's all just take a deeeep breath now.

Da Mario said...

Assassin? I would have thought you'd be better suited to being an international spy. Hot guys, danger, guns, beautiful places, free travelling, you name it...

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - your anger is totally turning me on, dude.

Da Mario - 'Bond Girl.' I love you.

Betenoir said...

Grosse point blank reference! yay!

but anyway, Peas, killing is alright but there's all that training ad technical know how and exercise... sounds kinda boring, most of the time.

Peas on Toast said...

Bete - you mean I can't run around willy-nilly with a loaded gun? Totally takes the fun out of it :)

ChewTheCud said...

Bond girls were weak. If you're thinking assassin then you want something more along the lines of Angelina Jolie in Mr. And Mrs. Smith ;P

tuberider said...


I'm also an ENTP but pro-drug legalisation.

Are you into disorganised religion then? :)

Peas on Toast said...

Chew...But I'm Camp Aniston! She'd be so hurt if I betrayed her!

tuberider - no, TOTALLY pro-weed legalisation. It should've come across as so - but I copy and pasted my results herein.
And established religion - not into it at all, well for myself anyway. If it works for others, that's great, but not for me.

Jam said...

Well if you're going to be an assasin, then there are some things we need to dicuss...hur hur hur.

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - can we get my old man involved? I know he's super keen about loaded guns and shit.

DaveRich said...

Agent Peas, Your mission, should you choose to accept, involves an ex girl friend, use any means neccesary, she will be at Manahattan tonight and will be with friends, known as the bitch squad. They are to be considered armed and bloody dangerous. Good luck agent Peas... This message will self destruct in 3 seconds, sorry!!!

Betenoir said...

Peas- running around willy-nilly makes you a nutjob, not an assassin. Sorry about that. Really, if you want the glamour and thrill of the kill, you're gonna have to go for Serial Killing.

Jam said...

As long as we can wear slinky black latex and do the really mysterious asassin thing, I'm happy. DO you think your dad will look good in latex? LOL!

Third World Ant said...

Looks like we have 2 ENTP's living together - although I'm less borderline than you.

That's it, I'm officially sick of my worklife, I'm giving it all up and buying my first skateboard...

Revolving Credit said...


Someone who sticks their ass in everywhere??

or worse

Someone you sticks things in their ass???

Synomym - Buttplug????

I suppose though, that you could kill someone this way.

Now Dictator, thats a good word, especially if you have a lisp...haha

Peas on Toast said...

Daverich - can I send my agent? I was there last week, and would need to be paid double to go there again. But if all goes to plan, the crowds and booze may kill her off alone.

Bete - serial killing takes so much time and effort though. You need a plan, multiple's just too time-consuming.

Jam - oh god. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth! :)

Ant - I reckon we become dictators. Way more fun dontcha think?

Rev - popping a buttplug into people's asses is best done by a dictator. He at least gets to watch .

nettie said...

Perhaps your counselor was thinking about that aim problem you seem to have.

Anonymous said...

Yes, the Meyers-Briggs test refers to pro-weed legislation. Uh huh.

Peas on Toast said...

Nettie - :)

Anon - perhaps I should've just SCANNED the fucking thing onto here to show the results. Go back to Toronto, seriously.

Anonymous said...

Never left it, more's the pity. Easy, tiger.

John Doe said...

Btw, for those uninformed people in the audience, Myers-Briggs tests are considered about as conclusive as IQ tests.

Anton said...

That is strange. Odd odd odd.

My career guidence councelor was at a complete loss with what do with me.

He couldn't figure out what I was meant for. He sent me to have all kinds of tests.

Eventually, he started sending me to specialists, like:

Cardiologists, Spinal Surgeons, Neurologists, Professors, Homeopaths (they were getting desperate), even to one of the greatest minds of any age, Sherlock Holmes (we had to borrow Marty McFly's car for that one...). They even sent me to a gyneocologist (they were getting really desperate).

Finally, the guidance dude did the test you mentioned in your post. And turns out, I had similar, but different in a few areas, results.

I like adventure and excitement (so that cut "Jedi" off my career possibilities list), but I'm socially awkward (even though I like people). I do like puzzles, but I freak out in sudden stress situations.

I'm social, but I prefer one-on-one to dealing with crowds. I'm open, but shy, I take risks but I feel guilty about them, I am the life of the party, but it has to be my party. I'm disorganised, and talented at presentation, but only if I haven't prepared and have to wing it. I'm not insensitive to other people's feelings, but I am self-centred (not selfish but caught up in my own head, which involves things like fantasies such as:

Helping Sean Connery save the world on a train being assaulted by Evil Terrorists. And Sean keeps assault rifles in his whisky cabinet. Bet you didn't know that one.)

I feel fear more than the average person, but I also agressively reign it in.


I am always joking about my emotional instability (um... close enough).

So my relieved guidance guy phoned someone by the name of Hattori Hanzo, a Ninja of Strong Reputation, who trained Ninja and led the Iga Clan during the 16th Century, which was when the War of A Thousand Tiny Japanese Counties (I forget the actual name so I am winging it) for Control of the Slightly Bigger [but not by much] Japanese Islands By Controlling Access to Our God-Emperor Who Has No Real Powers Except For That Humorous Coin-Rectum Trick He Does At Saki-Partyies Of The Rising Sun.

Yes, those who are still reading this and following, we found another mate with no intention of sticking to Temporal Limitations.

Except this time, no car was involved, just an old-school phone booth belonging to these two stoner dudes named Bill and Ted.

So I got trained by Hattori Hanzo, and his Iga Ninja Clan, and became the crappest ninja ever in the history of Ninjitsu.

I was good at one thing though; guiling trickery. (You have no idea how many Samurai fall for the "your funny tabi boot thing is untied." Even though all I learnt of Japanese was about three different words/phrases, "konichiwa", "sayanora" (although to be fair I think I picked that up from watching waaaaaaaay too much TMNT as a hyperactive 12 year old) and "Saki-long time". Which I always expect to get me some nice warm rice wine, but ends up with some geisha disrobing. It irritates me when the help get the order wrong!! :(

Anyway, I managed to coast through Ninja School, but with my really bad graduation marks, the only job I could find as an assassin is as a Company Hatchet-man.

My life sucks. At least an assassin gets to kill the fired fool, and spare the really emotionally draining:

"But how will I feed my family?"

Ce la vie, Pea, ce la vie.