basic

...shit I discovered yesterday.

Never underestimate underground parkades that catacomb into more underground parkades. It’s scary and faceless down there. But getting lost amongst a sub-terrarium of cars is another movie altogether.

Japanese porn music.
Yes there is such a thing. This chick fully gets off on her washing machine. Novel. And must be done.

Side fringe thingies.
Look, I’m very conservative with my hair. I don’t do drastic shit with the hair. Tentative to bust out in purple streaks is one thing; I’m scared to do anything with it. I’m scared of style. Period.

Hair like mine takes longer to grow than Hef’s pecker before Viagra. And unfortunately long-lasting mistakes when shit goes wrong with the scissors, can result in instant bi-polar disorder. Once I dyed a ridge of yellow down my scalp at varsity and performed like a diva. It was a bad day for all involved.

But change is as good as a holiday. And with The Dove’s encouragement, I got a side fringe thingie. Hesitated at her advice, but succumbed. She’s rather over-the-top excited I did it, even if we can’t hire bikes in Amsterdam unless I wear an alice band because I’ll kill someone.

It’s not a fringe – not a fan of those – it’s a side thingie, that also now doubles up as a venetian blind. Directly over my right eyeball.

Which I now cannot see out of, even if my hair is all sleek and shaggy (it got the full treatment), and looks very ‘Mustang Sally’ in the wind. Can’t see for shit. Seriously.
Reversing out of the aforementioned parkade in the dark with this curtain over my right eye was an, erm, hairy experience for all pedestrians involved.

But it does look particularly good with Ray Bans, even if you can only see one lens.

Not eating wheat or lactose is starting to work As is that detrimentally-administered Vitamin B shot.
I feel like I drank three Red Bulls yesterday. All day long. Getting out of bed at 6:30am isn’t the biggest hassle on the planet. Who knew?

Now, I don’t do diets. Because the more you think about not eating, the more you stuff your pie hole. At least in my experience. Besides, food is one of life’s greatest pleasures that should be celebrated, quite fucking frankly.

So if I do a reassessment of what I smash in my face, I simply cut down on some shit when I feel like the muffintops are starting to cause me elevated emotional discomfort. Or like in two weeks time, I have to parade down an aisle as a bridesmaid. One usually wants to look quasi-decent for such an affair.

The trick is to cut down on some stuff, but not everything. Because that just makes for a miserable existence. So no wheat or dairy for a while.

Which leaves me with a diet of sushi and one square of that dark chocolate a day. (For good fucking measure. Christ. I’m only human). It’s been three days and I’m feeling like a million bucks.
When I get to Germany, I’m thinking this may have to come to an abrupt halt, what with cuisine consisting schnitzel and beer.

One of my top 3 places to travel to is now an actual consideration. Is Japan really that expensive to visit? Heard it’s the most expensive place to holiday on Earth, even after the UK. If I was exploring that possibility, say? Always wanted to go there. I did the West last Christmas, so I’m gunning for a bit of Oriental this year.

God I love the word ‘uppity.’ John got a bit uppity when I called him a crack head..

I won’t drive a yellow car. It’s a deeply-stemmed childhood incident dating way back when, due to Dad’s choice in cars. Will elaborate on. One day.

Wine is fruit. Therefore part of said eating regime. And can be enjoyed in the bath.
(This is not a new discovery. But is worth a mention)

Seriously. Getting off on a washing machine. Alone or with assistance. I’ve done some, erm, adventurous things with domestic appliances in my humble life – but never with a Defy. Crikey, my counter is in the way. But that can be arranged. Anyone tried it before?