Monday, November 16, 2009

ch[emo]

So I wept big buckets of tears yesterday.

The one reason was that it was highly overdue – I’m missing the Brit, I’m not loving or am the slightest bit interested in Johannesburg at the moment, I’m missing The Dove and Poen – and just general tearduct maintenance was in order.

We’ve got the same Lonely Planets so we can whoreganise our trip to Mexico by at least being able to turn to the same pages at the same time. Ridiculous.

Then the fact that my box of ten series Friends finally finished today.
Which I’ve systematically been going through, one DVD, one episode at a time.

I hit that up in Winter and it’s taken five months of weekly watching and now it’s over.
In a flurry of tears (The Ross and Rachel scene is a real knee slapper), and realised – fuck, it’s over. I’m a hermit, what the FUCK am I going to watch now?

Hermits need adequate viewing material, or they die. Basically.

And when you start having dreams whereby Chandler does a walk-by in your dream, you gotta wonder whether you’re part of the Emo fraternity, only just without a purple Johnny Bravo fringe and the attire.

Fuck.

My credit card has reached its limit until next payday, and yet I went onto Kalahari and got Seasons 1 & 2 of Californication in a mad panic.

Then in tears went over to see Brian and my brother friend and drilled him about what it takes to be a hermit and am I fucked basically.

Peas: Have you ever been one?

Mate: Sure.

Peas: Why?

Mate: Had shitloads of graft.

Peas: OK, I don’t, but I should be doing stuff like going to the gym, seeing people, writing my next book.

Mate: It’ll pass.

Peas: I think I am beyond. I don’t feel like I have anything in common with some of my oldest mates.

Mate: That happens to everyone at some stage in life.

Peas: I’m super selective at whom I see and when. Surely I should be socializing more? Instead, unless it’s highly suitable, I tend to prefer being alone. This has NEVER been me. I wrote a book four years ago, and people tend to think I am still that person when we couldn’t be more different.
It’s been a 180 change or transformation over a year now. I’m not sure I like it.

Mate: It’s the stage of our lives, we’re all getting older and doing less shit.

Peas: Yeah. Maybe.

Losing touch with friends that don’t relate to my life and I don’t relate to theirs isn’t what I had planned. But it just seems to have happened. I feel guilty about this, should I? Am I a bad person?

I’m not talking about my nearest and dearest, but those I used to see regularly. It’s like we’ve all let go. Is this bad? Will we find each other on the same path sometime in the future again I wonder?

Thank God it's the week again. Where I can contribute to society.

12 comments:

Nessers said...

No it's not bad at all in fact it is very normal - it happens to all of us

tyrone said...

PEAS! You doth stressth too much!

:)

I've also noticed it happening to me and I'm guessing it's just a phase of life we're going through.

Our priorities are changing - less partying, more activities aimed at building our lives and achieving the goals we need to by 30, 35, etc.

It stresses me out too at times because part of me isn't ready for it, but a major part is. And when it does I just try and see it for what it is - a sign that my priorities and goals have changed. Not that I'm losing my zest for life. :)

Anarchee said...

Leaving some friends behind is part of your life as you outgrow each other - whatever you provided for each other is done. Some come back, others don't. Don't worry about it!

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - thank you :) I was really worrying about this whole shift thing.

tyrone - thanks guy. I worry about my zest for life a little, must be honest. Maybe it's the time of year too? But am glad that other people are going through this - miseray DOES love company. Although it's helluva shitty isn't it?

Anarchee - thank you. :) It disturbs me slightly though, won't lie. And I wonder whether it's permanent...

po said...

I understand. I have been a hermit for years. Wear the sackcloth and everything. Welcome to the club ;)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Po. I can't say it's great to be in this club, but at this rate, it's just a natural progression of things :)

Revolving Credit said...

You just sound a bit love sick.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - is it.

I don't think it's that - I think it's that......I need to join gym.
:)

Nessers said...

I went back to gym and it is fabulous to be getting fit again -I have met more people there to fill the gaps of the others I left behind - so it all works out nicely in the end

BLD said...

From a fellow hermit... Californication makes for Epic viewing and when you're done with "Hank Moody".May I suggest "House" Ciao. ;-)

Flirty30 said...

Ah Peas... Grab an oar, we'll row this boat together.
There's a saying about men which is just as true of friends:
Reason, Season, Lifetime- some people enter your life for a reson, some are only there for a season, others a lifetime.

Sabi said...

Not to be insensitive, but that's my artwork you're usin' there.

http://sabisaotome.deviantart.com/art/Emo-Kid-color-variant-02-54939991