horizontal theories

I'm back at my desk.

I'm on the pills, and there's a little party going on in my head, but am back at work.

It's good not to be horizontal. And have come up with a few theories in my delirious, deskbound state.

"Gym" is for Socialists and Satanics.
It's in inverted commas, because I believes it belongs in them. I'm sick of January, and I am sick of the word gym. They go hand-in-hand, so frankly I can't wait until everyone breaks their new Year's resolutions. It's such a ghastly thing, is the gym.

My New Year's resolutions. Speaking of
I still don't have any. But now that I have had plenty of time to think, and dribble, on myself, mostly, I have a few hard and fast ideas for 2012.

1) Buy an Audi
2) Go to Ukraine
3) Practice being nice, even if it's all a lie

On the Audi
This isn't a decision I have made in haste. I have wanted an Audi A3 since 2003. It's the turbo coupled with the fact that it has two doors and looks aesthetically pleasing, that I always said I'd own one once in my life. If I am to have babies one day, best I buy the fast, sexy car now before I have to drive a fucking Volvo.
My friends are having babies; I am having a quarter-and a half-life crisis. So the time and temperament is right for a German sports car.

Besides, the Brit and I will share it.

Having a car is independence. I think about driving everyday. In London you can survive quite happily without one, for years on end. The trouble is I don't want to survive, I want to drive.

Even if it means I pay congestion charges, can only drive it on weekends, have to change my driver's license.

It's time for less "where is the fucking bus, my Saturday is a-wastin'," and more "Vorsprung durch Technik," as far as I'm concerned.

It's going to have a mahoosive sound system. And we shall drive to France in it.

I'm still in pain
Did I mention the pills?

Holy shit. I'm going to South Africa in three weeks.
Three weeks! Jesus, how will I ever get the workload I'm carrying done before then?
I have four launches to organise.

I have a [classily non-orange] fake tan to get.

The one thing we have done, the Brit and I, is get our itinerary together for our road trip. We're hiring a Yaris and driving all over the Western Cape in it.

I saw two movies lately worthy of praise
Limitless - about a dude who pops a black market pill that raises his IQ/accesses his entire brain at once. Bradley Cooper, Robert de Niro. Gripping and fantastic.

The Iron Lady - I love Margaret Thatcher more than ever. To the point where the Brit has advised me to pipe down in front on Northerners. Inspiring and amazing, with a love story blockbusted in.

Both come highly recommended.